Last week I wrote a post about the "statement that changed my life forever." A story of how God opened my eyes, as a young mother, to the flaw that occurs in comparing our lives to other women. I knew it was going to be one of those vulnerable posts for me, where I admit the areas in which I struggle and confess that I definitely do not have it all together. But I wasn't expecting the overwhelming response I received from so many other women who were touched by it!

I definitely hoped that other women would be able to relate. And I prayed that they would find comfort in the fact that even the Proverbs 31 woman couldn't do it all alone.

But after seeing the response, it only affirmed in my heart what I had already been experiencing... the comparison trap is real. And moms want to know that we are all in this together.

One of the things I mentioned in my previous post was that we needed to stop comparing and start helping each other. And that's a lot easier said than done, I realize. So after a couple conversations with some of my other mom friends this weekend, I came up with a few suggestions that I think would definitely help a mother out. 

1) Don't be afraid to hold our baby. Yes, we love our babies. And yes, we know that our baby prefers "mama" over most anybody else. But our hands get numb, our backs have a constant ache and I promise if you hold our baby for one minute, we will forget all about the pain. (Hold them for five minutes and we might actually get to pee!)  

2) When you give a gift, do not expect a thank you card in return. And if you really cannot live without the acknowledgement, then the best gift you could give a mom would be to NOT give her a gift at all. The hours it takes to address, lick and stamp an envelope (not to mention, writing the card thanking them for a gift you already opened and thanked them for in-person - talk about redundant) could be used to do something more meaningful for their family (like, cook dinner). 

3) Extend an invitation for a play date.  Adult conversation while the kids play with their friends and wear themselves out before nap-time? Yes, please. (And on the flip-side, if you are a mom who has never accepted an invitation to a play date - then you need to help the mother out who is extending one.)  

4) Offer to entertain an older sibling for a little while. If you know a mom who is juggling more than one child, especially if there is an age gap, offer to take the older sibling out for the day. Each child has different needs, and while one may need to stay inside close to mom (to nap, nurse, or recover from sickness) the other may be bouncing off the walls in need of outdoor playtime.

5)  Step-in when one parent is unavailable. There are times when it really helps to have two parents in the picture - such as, doctor visits for mom and baby. Not only to physically entertain the baby, but also to offer support for the parent (shots are NO fun!) If you know a mom who happens to be doing these visits alone - offer to accompany her on one. I can guarantee you she won't mind the support (mentally, emotionally and physically).

6)  Offer to babysit for free. Like mentioned above, sometimes doctor visits are necessary for mom too. And sometimes the doctor visits fall during inconvenient hours for the baby (nap time, lunchtime, etc) Paying for a babysitter to keep the baby at home AND paying for a doctor visit can end up really hurting the family budget (and probably lead to more subsequent doctor visits due to stress). If you can ever afford to bless a mom with free-babysitting it is greatly appreciated, but especially under these circumstances. 

7)  Be an errand-buddy.  There are times when a mom needs to "run in and run out" of a store, post-office, etc and the thought of lugging the kids in and out of the car is enough to keep them from ever leaving the house. Bless that mama who needs a day to do this, by being her errand buddy in the front seat. Maybe take this a step further and encourage the mama to do some shopping for herself, by offering to be the one who stands outside the dressing room with her kids while she's trying on outfits for that fabulous, post-baby body. Pick a day when you already need to run errands yourself. That way you both win. ;)

8) Acts of service. Bring a meal, do her dishes, organize the pantry, etc. I still remember coming home to find my pantry organized one day - I thought someone broke into our home and stole all of our food because there was so much more room in our pantry when empty boxes were thrown out and cans were stacked on top one another! Anyway, a thoughtful neighbor and an organized pantry can do wonders for the mom who is feeling overwhelmed.

9) Give her grace. If you are the friend of a mom, sister of a mom or even the mom of a mom... have realistic expectations about your relationship. Give her grace when she doesn't return your phone call or text. Remember to never take for granted the time you have together. And give her grace for the times she doesn't have it all together. 

And finally, I can't go without saying... 

10) Keep advice to yourself. If not directly asked for - advice can sometimes be taken as "you are doing it wrong, so let me tell you how to do it right." Which is exactly the kind of thinking that encourages comparison in the first place. Unless it's advice on how to help a mother out, of course - then keep sharing away! ;)

If nothing else, hopefully these suggestions triggered your mind to begin looking for practical ways to help mothers around you. I have been SO blessed with people in my life that have done all of these things in one way or another. Could I have survived on my own without anyone's help? Sure (hashtag, womanpower). But I definitely would not be thriving as I am today. Because, I cannot do it all. But thank you Jesus, with the help of loving friends and family, I don't have to. 

I remember when I first became a mom. I showed up late to lunch dates, bible studies, or really anything that involved a start time (because, let's be honest, I was never the most punctual person before I had another whole human to dress, feed and pack a bag for). I remember looking at mom's of two, four or (Lord, bless them)... SIX children and thinking, "How are you alive right now?!"

The real gut-punch came one day when I stumbled out of my Cheerio-infested house to head to a play date at another mom's literal, spick & span, HGTV-model home. A mom of three kids, nonetheless. I just knew there was something wrong with me. I started thinking of all the things in my life that I needed to give up in order to keep my house clean. I need to quit singing. I told myself if I quit singing, I'd quit leading worship on the weekends and then I'd quit playing guitar at home so that I could keep my house clean. And also, I'll delete Instagram. Maybe if I deleted Instagram, I'd quit taking so many photos of my cute baby doing so many cute things and I would be able to keep my house clean. 

This was my plan. And I was sticking to it. 

And then I heard it. "Well, the lady who cleans our house..."  The statement that changed my life as a mom forever, just casually mentioned in the middle of a play date. I realized in that moment, that I would never again compare my life to another mom. SHE HAS A CLEANING LADY, for crying out loud. I wanted to raise my praise hands in the air (like I just didn't care) because I was so happy to hear that. Sure, there was no way I could afford to pay a cleaning lady at that point in time, so keeping my house clean was still an issue that needed addressing, but at least the pressure and the weight of comparison was gone. 

Lately, I have felt that weight of comparison sneaking back into my life. Maybe now that I have two children (and am struggling once again, to keep my house clean) has caused me to start thinking of why the need to "stay on top of everything" as a mom exists in the first place.

Part of me blames the Proverbs 31 woman. 
You know, the one with a whole chapter of the Bible dedicated to her awesomeness. 

Let me say, first of all, that I've actually always been a fan of the Proverbs 31 woman. She and I have some things in common. The whole "laughing without fear of the future" goes along well with my personality. And the fact that she likes to make clothes and bedspreads, makes me think she must have been a creative type.

But that stinkin' woman has been getting on my nerves lately with her ability to always make her husband and children happy and never suffer from laziness. I think the one that really got me, and really got me thinking, was the notion that she, "brings her food from afar." Obviously, the woman has never had to grocery shop with two small children... because there ain't no "going afar" for me. The closest grocery store is it, these days (and if we make it out with at least a meal or two, then that's a SUCCESS). So who is watching her kiddos, then? 

And there it was. The (second) statement that changed my life forever, "She plans the day's work for her servant girls..." And the weight of comparison was gone again. You see, the Proverbs 31 woman... HAD CLEANING LADIES. Or maybe they were nannies. Or maybe they cooked. But the point is, she had help. I find it ironic that besides preparing breakfast before dawn (of course), it never mentions her specifically cooking or cleaning at any other point in the chapter. Actually, it focuses a lot on her ability to be frugal and love her family and others well. 

Sometimes, as woman, we get caught up in comparing our lives to an ideal. When ideally, the standard changes. We cannot compare our current state of life to the Proverbs 31 woman, just as much as we cannot compare our current state of life to the single mom down the road. Or the mom with 1200 square foot of living space. Or the mom with five bedrooms. Or the mom who works. Or the mom who stays home. Or the mom who works from home. Or the mom with six children. Or the mom with one dog (we love our fur-babies too!) 

All of our circumstances look differently. So all of our lives will look differently.

What can we do? Help each other. Because, honestly, that's what we need more of in our current society. We need more help. We have bigger homes, full of more junk and bigger schedules, filled with more activities and less help to do it all. I get texts all the time asking for babysitters. Meanwhile, I'm trying to find one myself. 

There is a lot of advice out there to quit being busy, and sure - sometimes our lives ARE overbooked and we need to cut things out. But if there is one thing that the Proverbs 31 woman was... if nothing else, girl was busy. Her hands were always hard at work doing something. But it wasn't just busy work for the sake of busyness - no, everything she did was to the benefit of her family. 

So next time you are struggling to keep up with an "ideal." Just remember that your standard should not be based on what Martha Stewart is doing down the road, but should be solely focused on whatever benefits your family. 

Whether that's eating organic every night at home or grabbing fast food in order to make it to a soccer game. The important thing is that you're doing what's best for your circumstances and for your family. 

And when poop hits the fan (quite literally), hire a cleaning lady.

I jump at any and every chance I have to capture the special times in the lives of those close to me. Right now, this season of life is all about... having babies. So naturally, I get to do a lot of maternity sessions. And I really, really love it. Last week, I hung out with my friends, The Tyner family, and took a few family portraits before the three become four. You may look at these photos and (understandably) think they are a beautiful family now, but just wait until that gorgeous baby girl shows up! :)