This past month has been a busy one for my photography business! I am so super thankful for that and I never want to take these times for granted, because I know there will be slow seasons too. I want to get back into the habit of sharing sessions here on the blog. So first up, is one of my favorite little families and their little boy Thad's three month in-home session. This sweet family is just as natural and real "on-camera" as they are off-camera. They make my job super easy - because I never have to stage anything. The candid moments are what I enjoy so much about lifestyle photography.

I hear it often. "Ya know, we just never fight," they say in passing while talking about their spouse. I gulp. Swallowing the guilt I feel inside for not being able to say the same.  

How do they do it?  I have asked myself more times than I want to admit. The fears and doubts that come with the reality that, while no marriage is perfect, some have figured out how to have an argument-free marriage is almost too much. 

But perhaps the definition of an "argument" or "fight" looks different for everyone. If we are talking knock-down, drag-out, throwing-punches fighting- then, praise Jesus, we never fight either! But if we are talking about discussions that turn to disagreements that turn LOUD. Then, guilty as charged.  

Maybe it's the fact that both my husband (Josh) and I are very passionate people. When we get on a topic that means a lot to us, tensions rise and we can get carried away. And especially when we get real and open up about things that we are struggling with - you can bet there is going to be some fighting going on! We fight because we are seeking truth. We fight because we are tired of failing. We fight because we hate sin. And by the end, we are usually better because of it. We know how to pray for each other and we know how to truly fulfill the role of helpmate in our spouse's life. 

We also fight because we don't agree on everything. We agree on roughly 97.7% of things, but definitely not everything. For example - Josh doesn't like Shepherd's Pie and it just happens to be one of my all-time favorite meals. Of course I didn't know this until after I had slaved away making it during our first year of marriage, while also working and going to school full-time. It may have been one of our first fights ever. Just saying. 

It's normal to disagree, because no two people are alike. If you claim to never disagree with your spouse, then I guess you are the exception to basically every genetic testing that exists. Or you just have no opinion. On anything. Ever. 

I have to believe that couples who claim to never argue with their spouse are just not easily offended. A trait that I am praying and asking God to bless me with. They must be the type that doesn't even realize they are in an argument... when they are in an argument. It's incredible for me to think about, really - as I live on almost the exact opposite corner of the continent. Talk loud and I'm already crying. 

But the reason I am addressing this issue (and simultaneously admitting to not having a perfect marriage) is because with Valentine's Day and all the "public romance" approaching - sometimes this is the time of the year when our marriages are vulnerable. When we compare. When we feel discouraged. And we will hear and read things from others that will tear us up inside. "We never argue," has been mine. 

But please remember that your marriage is sacred. It is one of a kind. It may have it's flaws - but you have entered into a holy covenant with God when you married your spouse. His goal is that you will do more for the Kingdom together, than apart. 

Josh and I may not be able to stand and claim that we never fight - but we do claim that, by God's grace, we are better together. And that is something worth fighting for. 

I like to read. Ok yes, truthfully, most of the reading I do these days is just whatever viral post is being shared and discussed on Facebook. But light reading is better than no reading at all, right? And some of these topics are really intriguing and teach me a lot about our culture and the spiritual state of our society.

Just a few of the recent topics being hotly discussed on my Facebook newsfeed are, "Why I Chose To No Longer Wear Leggings," "Dear Church, Here's Why People Are Really Leaving You," and "We Can't Be Friends. (If you can't stand my messy house - not in the title, but it's the point)"  All of these articles had valid points and I found myself nodding along in agreement as I read their passionate and well-executed arguments. But then I read... "Ten Things We Should Get Angry About Before Yoga Pants," "An Open Letter to All the People Who Are Writing (and Sharing) Open Letters About What's Wrong With the Church, and "No, You're Not More of a Real Mom Because Your House is Messy." Each offering a perspective completely opposite from the one I originally read and agreed with.

And a funny thing happened within me - something that I don't believe typically happens for many of us anymore - I saw both sides. 

It got me thinking. I wonder how much of our belief system is basically just a collection of information that we happened to read or hear first. 

It wouldn't be that far-fetched of an idea - the Bible even speaks that this is likely to happen.  

The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him. -Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭17‬ 

I've seen this happen on so many occasions. Especially since entering into the motherhood stage of life and all the "mommy-wars" that come along with it.

Whether it's discussing the benefits of a natural vs medicated labor, formula vs breastfed baby, working vs stay-at-home mom, cry-it-out vs attachment parenting. To vaccinate or not? Disposable or cloth diapers? Time-out or spankings? My stomach is churning at the thought of getting into a discussion with a mommy friend who is passionate one way or the other on any of these topics.

Because you know what? Outside of Jesus being the Son of God, all scripture being infallible and eating cake on my birthday - there are very few things that are non-negotiable for me. Sure there are things that I hold strong opinions on. And I believe in the value of doing research to make a wise decision. But at the end of the day, sometimes the argument is so right down the middle - that it would probably do more good to "flip a coin" than risk losing a relationship because of a strong opinion. 

Flipping a coin can end arguments; it settles disputes between powerful opponents. An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars. - ‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭18-19‬ 

Hear me when I say - I believe in healthy discussion. I encourage healthy discussion. In fact, I've been known to even instigate healthy discussion a time or two. But always making sure to keep the relationship at the forefront of my mind. And remembering that at the end of the day, two people can see from two completely different perspectives and both can be right. Not talking theologically here. Just talking good, ole-fashioned opinions. 

So where do we draw the line between advocating and arguing? I think it should stop before someone gets hurt. 

It's okay to say, "I had an amazing experience with my in-home water birth!" but it probably wouldn't be wise to say, "If you get an epidural you are weak and unnatural!" One advocates, the other is just asking for an argument. 

Of course, you are free to disagree with me. This whole post, after-all, is just observations from my recent experiences with reading contradictory post after post. That's why incorporating Scripture into my writing has become so crucial for me. I want to be more passionate about God's word, than I am about a fad that is here today and gone tomorrow.

What amazes and breaks my heart is that while we are arguing for people to believe the same way we do about leggings (or birth plans or so on and so on), we may inadvertently be wounding others and turning them away from the greatest cause we could ever be advocates for - Jesus Christ.