If I only knew then, what I know now.
I am sitting here 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant, typing with my swollen hands and trying to find a comfortable, elevated position for my ankle-less feet. It's a bad day when my feet are so swollen that I can't put my shoes on (happened just yesterday). Of course, I knew this was all part of it. The joys of pregnancy! And I am truly so glad and thankful to be experiencing these moments firsthand.
Since we moved halfway through this pregnancy, there are a lot of new friends we've made that don't know the story and journey behind our wonderful blessing. I thought it might be a good time, seeing I don't know how many more chances I will get to sit down and write before Micah's arrival, to recap what God has done in our lives and how excited we are to look back on His faithfulness and perfect timing!
It doesn't seem like almost a year ago, that I was impatiently waiting in a doctor's office to find out what could be a life-altering diagnosis. It doesn't seem like almost a year ago, that I underwent a surgery to remove endometriosis (an embryo-toxic condition). And it surely doesn't seem like just 9 months ago... that we were blessed with the amazing news that we would soon be parents!
If I only knew then what I know now - there would be less tears, less worries.
But those tears and worries produced a dependence in me to rely on the true Giver and Sustainer of life. If pregnancy came easily for us, who knows how my attitude toward it would have been. I want to say I would be just as grateful for these swollen hands and feet. But God used the waiting as a time to work in my heart and mold me into the woman and mother that He desired me to be.
I'm ready, Lord. Thank you for preparing my heart for this.
I want to leave you all with a song that speaks so perfectly about this season of waiting. I know there are others of you out there, waiting... maybe for a child or something else, but I want to encourage you with this little reminder from one of my favorite singer-songwriters, Bethany Dillon.
"He can do more in my waiting, than in my doing I could do."
My heart’s discouraged, So I come to You expectant. You say You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do, But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do. So I won’t run anymore. I’m waiting on You.
Oh, wretched man that I am! Free me from my distractions. You say You’re good to those who wait.
Then confession and repentance Find me in the quiet. You say You’re good to those who wait. Now I know You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do, But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do. So I won’t run anymore. I’m waiting on You.
Oh, my soul, Wait on the Lord. Keep your lamp filled with oil. Oh, my soul, Be not deceived! Wait for Him. Don’t be quick to leave.
Lord, today You know what I need to do, But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do. So I won’t run anymore. I’m waiting on You.