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Last week, Josh's older brother, Jeff (or "Uncle Beff," as Micah affectionately calls him), came to visit for a few days. We thought it would be fun to make a day trip to the beach while he was here, since he is currently landlocked in Virginia. Now, I'm not the most uptight parent, or person for that matter, but I must've googled, "Is it okay to take a 3 week old to the beach?" a couple dozen times. I realized after my third day of Google searching, that my fears were less about the beach and more about what people would think about me taking her there.

I forgot there were so many fears involved in parenting. Some good and necessary, and some we tend to make up ourselves. But if there's one thing I do know and have learned through my short experience as a mom so far - it's that God gave my children specifically to me for a reason. And because I know this, I also trust that He will give me the wisdom and discernment I need to parent them as well.

Having kept one child alive for a year and a half now, I can tell you from experience, this is a lesson I would have liked to know from the beginning. It would have helped my self-esteem a ton when facing all the decisions and opinions on whether or not to get the epidural, vaccinate, breastfeed, or let my child watch TV. I needed the confidence to know that God has entrusted these decisions to me for a reason. And while that can also carry with it incredible responsibility, the point is that it's mine to carry.

So tomorrow I will wake up and make a hundred decisions for my children. Juice or water? Peas or Cheetos? Bath or not? And there are many factors that go into these choices we make. For example, you may look at the few questions I listed and already have an opinion on what the "right" choice to make is. But sometimes the area is grey. And sometimes the answer can be both. For example, a newborn doesn't need to be bathed every day. But a messy toddler probably does.

And while it may not be a good idea to take a 3 week old baby to the beach in 90 degree weather, without a tent and on a super windy day. Change the conditions and it's a perfectly, relaxing place to be.

So all that to say - we went to the beach. Yes, with a newborn. And yes, we had the most relaxing time. It was 75 degrees, probably cooler in the shade of the huge tent we sat under, and there was just enough breeze to cool us off without covering us in sand. The drive to the beach is only an hour, so you can bet we will be making lots of trips this spring/summer.

I said this on Instagram, but one of my greatest desires for my children is that they live and enjoy life! Not live in fear. So I guess that starts with me modeling it for them.

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It's been just over two weeks since I made the transition from one to two children. And in these short, but long, two weeks, I can say without hesitation that it's been one of the biggest challenges of my life. But not in a bad way. Because I believe in good challenges. The kind that grow you more as a person. The kind that chip away the sinful, selfish desires and replace them with patience, with kindness, and with unconditional, overwhelming love.

And that's what having children does to you.

I learned this well after Micah was born. On top of learning what it means to put someone else's needs before your own, answer cries at 2am, 4am, 6am, and sacrifice many warm meals and showers in order to feed a hungry baby for the 12th time that day - my husband and I also learned a valuable lesson in faith.

After Micah was born, we spent nearly every other week driving an hour to the pediatric cardiologist, where they poked and probed and made my newborn little baby cry. As I watched helplessly, I learned that sometimes love hurts. And doing the best thing for your child, isn't always the easiest thing. A lesson I wouldn't have minded waiting a couple months (or years) to learn.

But God was working through all of it. And the end result was healing in Jesus' name! My faith and many others, was made stronger because of my son's heart defect. And that made it all worth it in the end.

So after all we learned and experienced with our first child, you would think we would be thoroughly equipped for the challenge of handling two... under two.

But we quickly learned in the first few days home from the hospital, that we needed a double dose of the patience, kindness and love that we thought we had acquired from having one child. Our tanks were running empty... fast.

In all honesty, our second child has become the easy one. We've already been down this road before. We know what to expect with her when she cries or wakes up in the middle of the night. But the challenge has come in the form of our newly promoted big brother. The baby turned toddler overnight. Screaming and tantrums included. And it's not like he's jealous of his new little sister, in fact, he is the sweetest when he has her in his arms. I truly believe it's just normal 18 month old behavior, that is amplified now with our attention split between the two of them.

I may have had enough patience to deal with our oldest throwing his food and rubbing it in his hair when he was the only child. But now I need enough patience to also handle a baby spitting up all over mine (and if anyone was wondering, breast milk is not a good natural hair conditioner).

Though it's hard and uncomfortable, this season of motherhood and parenting is a daily refining process. As soon as I think I am comfortably sailing through, God allows what we all know as a "growth spurt" to occur in the child we think we have figured out or He gives us another one! Right now, it's both for us. And I am very, very thankful. Because in this season, I am constantly forced to rely on God to supply all of my needs.

I may not have enough patience for tomorrow, but I have more than I did yesterday.

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One week ago, at 8:10am in the morning, this happened...

The picture is blurry and out-of-focus (a sweet nurse took it, bless her, she is not a photographer for a reason), but it's the first moment Josh and I laid eyes on our daughter. This moment, just like the one I had with my son, is the greatest feeling ever. It is what makes every pregnancy and labor pain worth it. The blessing of a child. 

But first, let me back up a little bit. Because the journey it took for us to get to this moment is worth telling.

When I was only 15 weeks pregnant with Hannah, we were told that she had two soft markers for Downs Syndrome. I was completely blindsided by the news, but also trusting that God had a perfect plan and purpose for our child. She may have been a surprise blessing for us, but she was specifically created by God for this time.

After several ultrasounds and a blood test, we were told that there was a very low chance of Hannah having any genetic defects! It was comforting to hear. But of course I knew even with all the technology we have today, we would never know for certain until Hannah was actually born.

Fast-forward to my 35 week doctor check-up. We went in not expecting the news we received - I was already 1cm dilated and her head was really low! In my mind I still had over a month left to prepare. Josh and I laughed walking out of there, because we were so not ready at that point.

After that check-up, things started progressing weekly. I began having some painful contractions here and there, along with back cramps that woke me up in the middle of the night. Every week I went to the doctor, I was dilated another centimeter. And every week, they told me that it could be "any time now." This is when patience really became a virtue.

At my 38 week appointment, I was 5 centimeters, 90% effaced, and baby's head was at -1 station. If you haven't been pregnant before, that's code for... I should have been in labor. That week I walked and walked and then slept, because I was too exhausted to walk anymore and obviously that wasn't working.

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I was told by the doctors that they would induce me at 39 weeks if I didn't go into labor on my own before then. Because my labor was only 5 hours with my first and I had already progressed so much, they didn't want to risk me having an even faster second labor and delivering at home. I didn't want that either, but I also didn't want to be induced again. I prayed continuously that God would allow my body to go into labor on it's own.

Last Thursday, I went into my 39 week appointment and left with the papers for an induction at 7am the next morning.

I walked out with mixed emotions. Relieved that we would FINALLY be meeting our little girl, but also a little convicted that I may not be making the right decision in going along with an induction. I didn't want to rush something that wasn't ready.

But after that appointment, I began having painful cramps. She told me to expect a little of that because she had tried to "move things along" during my exam, so I tried not to get my hopes up too much. But all night the cramps continued to come, until finally around 11pm I knew I needed to get some rest. I had an induction scheduled in the morning after all, I needed to conserve some energy for labor!

I slept for a whole... two hours. At 1am I awoke suddenly with stronger, painful cramps. I noticed those cramps started coming and going in intervals, so I began timing them. They were about 10 minutes apart. I knew they needed to be 5 minutes apart for me to go to the hospital, so I tried to sleep. I laid there, basically - eyes wide, curled up in the fetal position, trying to handle the pains.

At 3:30am, I was moaning through the contractions. I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I woke up Josh. It took one contraction to hit for him to be convinced I was in labor and he was up and getting ready. I called the hospital to let them know I was coming early. And then I took a shower. I thought it may help ease the pain and the contractions were still coming 5-7 minutes apart, so I figured I had a little bit of time.

I tried blow-drying my hair, but quickly gave up after having to stop several times to grab the counter and wince through the pain. I put my hair in a frazzled braid and we headed out the door to leave. Thanks to having an induction scheduled, we already had everything we needed in the car.

The car ride was... bumpy. And painful. But even through the pain, I was thankful. I told Josh over and over, "I'm so glad God answered our prayers! And now... owwwww... I'm in labor!" :)

We got to the hospital around 5am, and they all found it funny that I was scheduled for an induction two hours later. The same midwife I had seen just 12 hours earlier for my checkup walked in our hospital room and said, "So you just wanted to come see me early, huh?!" She checked me and I was 6cm. I told the nurses I would be needing that epidural ASAP. Josh stayed close to me the whole time and held my hand. Going through labor, twice now, has helped me learn how I handle pain. I like to be touched. There is something amazing in the contrast of a loving stroke of the arm and a painful contraction. It was such natural pain medicine, that I almost regretted getting the epidural... almost. :)

After the epidural (in which I sat there smiling and laughing with the nurses and Josh because I was finally PAIN FREE!) I dilated to 10cm pretty quickly and was ready to push. This was the hardest part with Micah and I was not looking forward to it. But thankfully, this time was a breeze! 20 minutes later and she was in my arms.

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This perfect, beautiful miracle was born at sunrise weighing 8lbs 5oz and 20.25 inches long. I remember being surprised at how big she was and how much she looked like her brother. :)

After checking her over and cleaning her up, they noticed she was having some labored breathing and wanted to keep her in the nursery for a couple hours to monitor her. I was sad, because I was looking forward to holding and snuggling with her some more.

But almost as soon as they took her away, I started having painful cramping and heavy bleeding. I remembered that some of that was normal after just delivering a baby, but this seemed... extreme. The nurses kept checking on me every half hour, and would end up needing to clean me up because I was covered in blood. I began to worry when, after a few hours, the pain didn't go away but almost intensified to the feeling of being in labor again!

It finally got to the point where I felt extreme pressure and the urge to push. I was screaming in pain and tons of nurses ran into the room and began pushing on my abdomen. I had hemorrhaged.

This was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I remember feeling like I was going to die.

Thankfully, the nurses were able to hook me up to IV's and give me some medicine to slow down the bleeding. Once they had everything under control on my end, we got word that Hannah's breathing had normalized and she was ready to come back to our room! It was 2:30pm by this time. Six hours after the birth of our daughter, we were finally together as a family.

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When I look at the story of our Hannah, from conception to delivery, there were worries. We have had to lean on God in every moment of this journey. But our faith and love has increased.

One of the nurses made a comment to me quietly after Hannah was born. She had read our chart and saw that she had soft markers for Downs Syndrome and was high risk for a heart defect because of her brother. She asked me when it was that we found out about her "soft markers."  I told her at 15 weeks at our anatomy scan. She looked down at Hannah with tears in her eyes and said, "How crazy is it that some people choose to abort because of things like that, and here you are with a perfectly healthy baby?"

I had never even thought about that.

But I will forever share her story, because I believe it was all part of God's plan. He wants to show that ultimately He is the one in control. He is above any medical diagnosis. And every baby has a purpose.