October marks the beginning of my favorite time of the year! Holiday goodness around every corner. A pumpkin spice latte and the smell of autumn wreath candles burning in my home is enough to put me in a good mood. I'm a simple gal.

Of course, born and raised in Florida, I have never experienced what a true "fall" looks like. Instead, October is just another warm month with some extra fun festivities! Pumpkin patches, corn mazes, fall festivals... we still get to enjoy all of those fun things. While sweating through our leggings. And praying for an occasional cool morning or evening to enjoy too.

Now that it's October, that also means we have made it two months into our first "officially unofficial" year of homeschooling. And really, it has been one of the best decisions ever. Of course, I still question if I'm doing it right... (because should school be this much fun?) and I'm still figuring out how my children learn best. Especially Micah. I don't put a lot of pressure on Hannah to join us, since she's still only three, but she usually wants to. And though I have tried to stay as structured as possible (by using Sonlight's pre-Kindergarten curriculum and a teacher lesson planner) we have drifted off the "textbook schedule" at times and took a few weeks off in September due to Micah's birthday, Hurricane Irma and going on vacation. But that's the beauty of homeschooling! Life happens, and we can adjust. 

Another beauty of homeschooling, for me, is the spontaneity of it. I love waking up and deciding that today feels like a good day for a nature walk! Which was exactly what happened today.

I printed out a nature walk worksheet I found online that would give them some things to look for while we were on our walk. And then, I improvised and used a brown paper gift bag I found tucked away in our pantry - cut it in half and stapled the worksheet to the front and a ziplock to the back of it for them to collect leaves and flowers that they found. 

They loved to "check" things off the list. :)

We took a break and ate lunch at a picnic bench, and then after our walk, we loaded back up in the car and headed to the local gas station for slurpees! As we drove home quietly enjoying our sweet treats, I thought about all that was going on in the world at large. The devastation that had just occurred in Las Vegas. And how, my children are still too young to really comprehend everything just yet. I felt the weight of the responsibility I am carrying like a ton of bricks. It hit me, heavy.

One day these little people will grow up to be influencers in this world. How do I prepare them? How do I teach them to love and value God's creation? And see very person as loved and valuable to God? A nature walk in October seemed like the right place to start. 

I admit, I've fallen victim to third child syndrome. One of the things I have not been great about this pregnancy, is documenting the bump! I was so intentional with my last two about updating this blog with semi-regular monthly updates. But at this stage of my life - with a three and almost-five year old - there are other priorities. And here we are halfway through this pregnancy, and I'm just now getting around to doing one of these "bumpdates." Pay close attention, friends, for it may be the first and last.

It's not for a lack of want-to on my part. I can tell you this - I want to document and remember every single detail! I want to celebrate and throw a party for this little life! That's why I made our gender-announcement photoshoot happen, even though it was certainly not the best time or done in the most picturesque fashion. I just wanted to freeze the moment. People are so kind and always say such nice things about our family photos being "beautiful!" And they do end up being so much more beautiful than we imagined. But the process? Not so much! 

I'm not one for leading a fake reality - so in full disclosure, Hannah wanted absolutely nothing to do with that photoshoot! Ha! She would only look at the camera and give us a semi-smile in one shot. And thankfully, that just so happened to be our family picture. They both fell asleep on the drive out to the beach, so it wasn't because they didn't want to celebrate their little sis! The anticipation just wore them out. ;)

I go back all the time and read my pregnancy updates with Micah and Hannah. And it always amazes me what I FORGET. There are things I wrote down that I was sure I'd always remember. And yet, I read them as though it were the first time! This is why I want to be sure to document what I can about this baby. Though the updates may be more spread out, I hope to fill in the blanks and have memories to look back on. Just to remember what I forget. 

How Far Along:

20 weeks! Wow. Hitting that halfway pregnancy mark is always a huge milestone, but it seems like it came much faster than normal this time! I'm sure that waiting to announce until 13 weeks, and not finding out gender until 20 weeks probably attributed to that. Now I'm torn between hoping the rest of this pregnancy flies by and not wanting my other two children to grow up too fast! Oh the struggle. 

Size of baby: 

Mango. Weighing in at 10 ounces on the ultrasound.

Total Weight Gain: 

+10 lbs is what the doctor says. Personally, I'm pretty sure I gained an automatic 10 lbs the minute I took that pregnancy test! I'm trying not to be too worried about weight this time around, as I know it's part of the process. But still hoping not to gain 40-50lbs like I did with Micah and Hannah. Probably will. Ha!

Maternity Clothes: 

Okay, third time around, I've gotta be honest. I'm not a fan of maternity clothes. Especially, the shorts and belly bands. They just don't fit my short torso and end up rolling up my back. So then I'm left constantly trying to straighten them out without flashing the world. It's a real issue. By the end of the pregnancy, I usually have to give in and wear some maternity jeans and tops that actually cover the belly. But then, I'd still rather be wearing my husband's t-shirts. Right now, I'm all about those dresses and leggings. 

Gender: 

GIRL. Can you believe it?! I can. But only because I saw the ultrasound - TWICE - and it's obvious. But still, when they first gave us a hint that it might be a girl (around 14 weeks) I was completely shocked! I just knew it was going to be a boy. But, I thought Hannah was for sure a boy too. I always think I'm having a boy. LOL. Truthfully, I really had no preference whatsoever. A lot of people have been asking us what we "wanted" since we already had a boy and a girl. And I love having both for such different reasons that I just couldn't imagine choosing between the two! Their personalities and traits are so different. But I don't believe that's necessarily because of gender. Micah is different than many boys and Hannah is different than other girls. Every child is unique and individually created by God. So I look forward to meeting and getting to know our next precious, little girl. 

Movement: 

This is my favorite part of pregnancy. So of course, at 11 weeks, I was positioning myself every which way trying to feel anything I possibly could! And I was almost certain I was feeling the baby move around 12 weeks. But then, I felt nothing for a few weeks. And I started getting worried that maybe that wasn't what I was feeling all along. I can't say for sure if it was - but I do know that I have been consistently feeling the baby since around 15-16 weeks. Josh actually got to feel the baby do a little thump-action on the outside of my belly at 17 weeks (on July 11th - I wrote it down in my calendar, because it was so special!) And during the ultrasound last week, she wouldn't sit still to have her picture taken! So not sure what that says about our future, ha! (See the cute chin to belly profile pic below? That was her squirming around!)

Sleep:  

What is sleep? Ha! I'm currently writing this post at 12am - if that tells you anything. I honestly haven't been waking up much at night on my own (only when one of the other two come wandering into our room, which is very common) so I am thankful for that! It is just the falling asleep "comfortably" that is a growing problem.

What I miss: 

Hmm... I am so thankful to be pregnant and never want to take that miracle for granted! But I do miss my pre-pregnancy body - the one that can lift my children up, no problem. Or run and play tag or wrestle without worrying about harming the baby growing inside me. I am feeling a ton of "pelvic pressure" these days so early in pregnancy, which has made me more cautious about lifting and carrying my other two. And I do miss that.

Cravings: 

I haven't had too many weird cravings yet, that I've noticed. Surprising! I did have to stop drinking hot coffee - 1) it's just too hot outside and 2) it was making me nauseous. I do drink iced coffee and/or hot tea in the mornings, instead. I also love anything cool and refreshing - like fruits and veggies. 

Symptoms: 

Just the pelvic pressure and mild reflux at times. I try to watch how much I eat and drink before bed and that helps!

Best Moment this week: 

It was definitely the moment we got to see our baby GIRL on the screen! The ultrasound looked great, which was so encouraging! Last time during Hannah's anatomy scan, they found soft-markers for Downs which led to more ultrasounds and tests that only caused unnecessary worry. I was prepared for that but, instead, they saw nothing to be cautious about concerning the baby! The only thing that is going to require another ultrasound, is the position of my placenta (which is currently low-lying) and they expect it to move upwards as the baby and uterus grows. It is a miracle to see all four chambers of the heart and watch as blood is already being pumped through it! To know the hand of God is so intricately involved in even the scientific details of our body leaves me in wonder and awe. 

Baby girl, we are so excited for you to join our family! Though your face and name are still a mystery to us, our hearts have already begun to feel your presence. Praying for you. We love you. 

One of the things that nobody tells you when you welcome your first baby, is that soon you will be sending him off to Kindergarten. It happens fast.

I remember bringing our first son, Micah, home from the hospital like it was yesterday. I remember lying in bed that night, amazed at the incredible miracle that just happened to us - we became parents! There was no looking back now. We were in this for life. For better or worse. Whatever came our way, we had someone else to think about and care for.  

The overwhelming responsibility that comes along with parenting hits every one a little differently, I'm sure. Depending on whether having a child was in the "plans" for you at the time. I can tell you just from my personal experience that, planned or not, children carry with them more weight than the seven or eight pounds they are born with. 

This weight was felt almost immediately for us. We were told only days after Micah's birth that he may need open heart surgery by the age of 6-8 weeks old. A decision that seemed completely out of our hands, still required us to do what we only knew best to do - pray. And by God's grace, that surgery wasn't needed. 

Our responsibility as parents doubled quickly, when we had our second baby only a year and a half later. Our daughter, Hannah, was born at sunrise, and with her came a whole new set of parenting skills required. It was like we knew nothing - even though we had already done this once and not too long ago. But the truth is, every child really is different. And as parents, we have the unique privilege of knowing those differences and teaching, correcting and nurturing our children in a way that will be best for them. 

Part of my goal in parenting over the last five years, has been learning about and getting to know my children. They are developing and changing everyday. Some days, I think I almost have them figured out and then other days, I'm sure I don't. 

This second-guessing has carried over into pretty much every important parenting decision I have to make. And most recently, the decisions I have to begin making about their education. Some days, when I'm feeling particularly creative and intentional, I'm certain that I will homeschool them. And other days, I wrestle with myself about this for hours on end, driving me to the point of complete exhaustion. And then, when I've finally collapsed into a puddle of worthlessness on the floor, I'm certain that they never need to stay home full-time with a lunatic like me.

Unless of course, homeschooling is exactly what they need. And then I will pour myself into making every ounce of their education my duty and goal. I will rise above the problems and challenges, because that's what God created me to do when He made me their mom. If the decision could just be made for me, I think to myself, then I would do it.

And in a way, when we moved to Jacksonville, it kinda was.

Josh and I both grew up with different educational backgrounds - he was homeschooled all the way through high school and I was a poster-child for public school and even had the safety patrol badge and "Top D.A.R.E. Student" T-shirt to prove it. Of course, the conversations on what we would do with our children's education was brought up long before we even had children of our own. He shared the benefits and challenges of homeschooling from his perspective, and I shared the benefits and challenges of public school from mine.

After so many conversations, still neither of us could conclude, for certain, which option would be best for our family. We did settle on the fact that we would prefer private school over public school. But we knew, ultimately, it was our job as parents to teach them the truth about God's Word and not the school.

So when we moved to Jacksonville, I began looking into schools in the area and researching options for us if we were to go the private school route. It blew my mind. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting because, truthfully, I don't have much experience with how much education costs. But I never imagined that the cost of schooling elementary students would rival that of college universities! I know, there is never a price tag you can put on your child's education, but STILL, $10,000 a year for schooling is just a little above our budget (and by a little, I mean A LOT).

So just like that, private school became out of the question for us. Unless, I got a full-time job. And while I do have a Bachelor's degree, my skill set and experience are mostly freelance and creative. The one "grown up" job I had right after I graduated college? Music and Art Teacher. 

And then, it clicked. 

Perhaps, God was preparing me for this the day I accepted that teaching job. Maybe there was a reason I came home from school every day as a child and taught my little sister everything I was learning. God had placed in me a desire to teach. But it was my own insecurities of failing, of being mocked, of choosing to school my children in a way that looked different than the majority of the world, that kept me doubting.

I still remember the day I called Josh and told him I was ready to accept the calling to homeschool. I had prayed about it, and felt a peace that this was the best decision for our family, I told him. 

Are you... sure? I heard him say over the phone. He must be remembering all those days I ended up as a puddle on the floor... and would call him, sobbing. 
"Of course, I'm sure." I told him confidently. " I truly feel called to do this." 

And that was how our decision to homeschool was made. Not flippant. Not without tears. Not with a disdain for any other method of schooling. Or disrespect for any parent that chooses to follow a different calling on their life. 

I can guarantee you that every parent I have talked to, no matter what decision they ultimately choose, has struggled through it. Because we do what we have to do for our children.

And for this season, this is what we feel we need to do for the benefit of our family. The beauty of this decision, is that it could look differently in another season! There are endless possibilities to what the future may hold, and I can never say for certain what tomorrow will bring (James 4:13). 

But I will say, there are definitely benefits of homeschooling that I am truly excited about! No strict schedules (although, I do plan to have some structure), Fridays can remain family days, we can travel any time of the year, I have the freedom to incorporate as much music and art as I like, shorter "class" time and more play time, NO HOMEWORK, and maybe the best benefit for my little mama heart right now... I don't have to send my baby off to Kindergarten.