I have been thinking lately about seasons. Not necessarily the meterological kind, although I am eagerly awaiting fall here in Florida (if there ever was such a thing). Seasons in Florida are a bit of a mystery, because while they tell us on paper that it’s “fall” it still very much feels like “summer” until one day you’re caught freezing outside watching your kid’s soccer game without a jacket in sight. Florida blood is thin, so next time you prepare well and bring out your cutest, comfiest sweater that you’ve been dying to wear and then end up sweating in it for 3 hours while drinking a pumpkin spice latte. The memes are very real.

Anyway, I’m not talking about those types of seasons. I’m talking about seasons in life. College, dating, marriage, parents, grandparents, retirement, etc. It’s funny how we spend so much time preparing for a career in high school but, no one actually tells you that if the Lord wills, the longest season of your entire life may be something you were completely unprepared for — parenting.

There’s a common saying that, “you could never be prepared to be a parent.” And while I get the sentiment, every child is going to be different and have a different set of needs, no one ever says that about other seasons of life. We never say, “Don’t worry about having a good work ethic now, because every job is different.” And when it comes to marriage, you’ll hear people often say, “Become the type of person you want to marry.” We are expected to spend time learning and growing for other seasons of life, but parenting? Just wing it. You can never be prepared. Good luck!

Our oldest boy turned ten last weekend and we’ve officially been in the thick of this parenting thing for a decade now. It flew by and at the same time, we’ve lived so much life! Currently, I am watching as friends and previous students of ours (my husband, Josh, was a student pastor for 14 years!) are becoming parents for the first time. It brings me back to those early days of not knowing what I was doing, ha! And while I am still very much learning and growing everyday from those ahead of me, there are a few things I’m sensing the Lord wants me to share that I’ve learned from being a parent in just this short time.

1. You will spend more time learning than teaching.

   I think we assume we will go into parenting teaching our children all the things. We may even have a long list of things on the priority list to teach them. But it humbles me to acknowledge, while I can foster and encourage a good learning environment, I can’t take credit for everything they learn. Ultimately each child is going to learn and grow at their own pace. If nothing else teaches you this… just wait until potty training. I potty-trained three children the exact same way and they all took to it a little differently! Before you can teach, you will need to learn how your child receives information. Whether it’s learning to sit up, eat with a spoon, read or write or more spiritual things, like going to church, reading their Bible and following Jesus. We can only take so much credit for what they do with the information they receive. Don’t forget to pay attention along the way, because you’ll need to study your child as you help them become good students.

2. You will sacrifice a lot.

   It’s not if you will sacrifice something when you become a parent, it’s what and how much you are willing to sacrifice. You will have to sacrifice your time and energy to put someone else’s needs first. (I remember when I got my first cold while nursing one of my babies and realizing that the show must go on! I couldn’t stop feeding my baby just because I was sick). You will have to make sacrifices in your budget and finances. (We have reached the point where all of our kids finish their own meals and one orders off the adult menu! Eating out is now a luxury.) You will have to sacrifice some hobbies you really enjoy (hence, why I rarely have time to blog anymore! Until your kids get a little older and maybe you can enjoy some of those hobbies together!) The sacrifices are all worth it though, because ultimately laying down yourself for another grows your capacity to give and love fully.

3. You may question all of your life choices.

   I would be lying if I didn’t admit that parenting can drive anyone a little crazy at times. At some point, you will question if you are doing the right thing. You will question this no matter what type of diapers you choose for your baby, the type of food you feed your family, whether you stay home or work, or the type of schooling you choose for your kids. If there’s anything I’ve learned from becoming a parent, it’s that we are all doing the best we know how to do. A good parent questions their decisions constantly, because they want the best for their child. The important thing is that we seek good advice from people we trust and walk wisely in those decisions. And as one of my good friends always encourages me, “You can always change your mind!”

There is probably so much more I could share, but I only have so much time (because I’m a parent, after all!) One of the best things I’ve learned in this season is to give grace to myself and others. No parent is a perfect parent. I’ve failed, asked forgiveness and learned to get back up and try again. The only perfect example we have is Jesus. Which ultimately brings me to the most important thing I’ve learned as a parent…

I need Jesus, more than AnythIng.

Of all the seasons in life, I feel the most sanctified in this one. While sometimes this season of parenting children can feel like the hardest thing we will ever do, I know the reality in the back of every parent’s mind is… it’s temporary. And just like seasons in Florida, it may come and go as quickly as it arrived.

This season of life as a mom of three has put a lot of things (that I love dearly) on hold for me. One of those is writing. My passion for writing has not waned one bit - but my time has. This struggle, I have to admit, has caused me grief in many ways. Writing has always been therapeutic and a way for me to process the ups and downs of life. In the past, writing on current topics has allowed me to stay engaged with the culture and not feel so lost in the mundane of motherhood. I almost feel guilty calling motherhood “mundane,” because I think it is extraordinary and such a gift to be a mom. But anything practical and routine in our lives can easily be taken advantage of and that’s when the “mundane” begins to set in.

Lately, I have felt myself struggling emotionally and mentally. I recognized that I wasn’t processing and dealing with things in a healthy way. Instead of taking my thoughts captive and crying out to the Lord… I’ve been taking my thoughts and spilling them out to others, mainly my husband. I have the hardest time holding on to any negative emotion. If I experience something painful, it immediately comes out. Instead of a gluten intolerance, I guess you could say, I have a pain intolerance. And to be honest, I’m not sure I would have recognized this about myself so obviously until I learned my Enneagram number. I’m a type 7 - which is characteristically a type that avoids pain/negative emotions.

On the flip-side, in an effort to avoid negativity, I will wear myself out by chasing pleasure. And eventually be left disappointed, because nothing truly satisfies. It’s a vicious cycle - this pain-avoidant, pleasure-seeking life. Chasing pleasure leads to the pain of being disappointed and pain leads to more pleasure-seeking.

I don’t believe any personality test is an excuse to continue living in unhealthy ways; rather they are tools to help pinpoint blind spots for specific areas of growth. Mental health is such a stigma, especially amongst the Christian community. For some reason, there is a false belief that admitting that we can be mentally or emotionally unhealthy downplays the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Yet, not many would ever downplay the role of the Holy Spirit when we are physically unhealthy. The brain is an organ, just like our stomachs. And just as we take supplements to help with digestion, often we need supplements to help us mentally as well.

Now, I can tell you, I am definitely more of a naturalist when it comes to medicating myself. I will do almost anything to avoid taking a pill. Oils, counseling, writing/journaling, music therapy, meditation/prayer, etc. They may be more costly and time-consuming - but these have been my therapies of choice for battling stress and anxiety for the past ten years. Everyone is different and should be evaluated and treated based on what their bodies need.

The important thing is that we don’t ignore our bodies. Especially, as believers. We are vessels of the Holy Spirit and need to be healthy in order to carry out what the Lord has planned for us. When we’re not healthy, we are limited in what we can do.

I also don’t want to ignore the obvious - sometimes we are facing spiritual attack from the enemy. I can testify, that this has often been the case for Josh and I in ministry. Things will be going well, we will see God moving… and something will hit one or both of us out of nowhere. It can seem coincidental, until the pattern happens repeatedly. Our brains control every aspect of our human body - so of course, it will be the number one thing attacked. Just as someone in battle shields their hearts from danger - we must shield our minds.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise”

— Philippians 4:8

One of the more difficult things about being a stay-at-home/homeschooling mom is balancing self-care without neglecting my children. As the old saying goes, “You can’t take care of someone else, until you take care of yourself.” But the truth is - taking care of someone else leaves little time to take care of yourself. I’ve had to be intentional about finding ways to make self-care a priority.

I’ve seen a complete correlation between lack of exercise and increased anxiety - so I joined a gym. I’ve seen the benefits of using and diffusing natural oils - so I signed up as a Doterra member and recently switched to Young Living (they BOTH work!) Listening to podcasts, audio books and music throughout the day help a ton - so I joined Spotify. And lastly, finding time to do something that I love, every day, just for fun - today, I blogged.

These are small prices to pay for a healthy mind.

Many times, stay-at-home parenting can be isolating and lonely so there is a huge temptation to turn to social media/texting to quench that need for social interaction. Yet, catch me at the wrong moment and, it can stir up all sorts of unnecessary comparison, insecurity and discontent which only deepens the isolation and loneliness. Setting limits and boundaries on social media usage and making the time for more face-to-face, adult interaction (through bible studies, playdates, etc.)… has been crucial for healing.

But perhaps the most important way to practice self-care while also taking care of my children is choosing to study Scripture together. It helps to set our minds and hearts in the right direction for the day. We purchased The Jesus Storybook Bible last Christmas and it has been a great resource to start our mornings! When I focus my heart on the beautiful opportunity I have been given to train up theirs… there is no better reward or healing.

I can’t believe you’re ONE. It does not feel like a WHOLE year has passed since you’ve been born! And yet, here I am staring at the calendar… December 4th is here, again.

Getting to know you over this last year has been such a joy! You are the sweetest little baby-girl, with an easygoing personality. I’ve heard third-borns are special like that. People always comment on how “petite” you are. And it’s true, you are a delicate little thing. But great things come in small packages, and I have no worries that you will be catching up to your big brother and sister soon! In fact, I know that you will grow way too fast - so you can stay tiny for as long as you want! ;)

I’m praying for your next year of life to be full of fun and learning. Watching your mind begin to develop into a little person is one of my favorite things! You can now say, “Hi mama!” and “Hi dada!” while waving with your little hand(s). You say “hi” to the Christmas tree every morning when you wake up (it’s the cutest!) and you blow kisses and play peekaboo! You love when we play games and I can make you giggle. And really, I end up laughing the most.

Hannah has called you “Chlo-Chlo” since birth and now we all do! We also refer to you as “cute-cute” a lot. Because saying things twice just emphasizes the point!

Speaking of Hannah, she just adores you! She has become such a little mama to you and you have been so patient to let her. It is going to be so fun to watch your sister relationship grow!

Micah and you have such similar personalities and I adore it! Even though you look a lot like your sister, you remind me more of him as a baby. He loves to make you laugh and any time he can steal some one-on-one time with you is his favorite. And as the third born, you’ll take any one-on-one time you can get too!

I just want you to know, that getting to be your mom is one of the greatest blessings of my life! I am so thankful that God gave me you. Especially when, just a few years ago, I doubted if I’d ever be able to have children. I’m sure no one looks at me now, three kids later, and thinks about that. But I still do. I still remember the pain of waiting for you.

And now, I live with a different type of pain. A pain that is magnified on days like today… watching you grow up.

(Below are photos from a small birthday celebration we had for Chloe over the weekend! Shoutout to my friends, Jackie Marsh, for baking this AMAZING cake and Nick Carter, for taking a few of these pictures for us!)