I hear it often. "Ya know, we just never fight," they say in passing while talking about their spouse. I gulp. Swallowing the guilt I feel inside for not being able to say the same.  

How do they do it?  I have asked myself more times than I want to admit. The fears and doubts that come with the reality that, while no marriage is perfect, some have figured out how to have an argument-free marriage is almost too much. 

But perhaps the definition of an "argument" or "fight" looks different for everyone. If we are talking knock-down, drag-out, throwing-punches fighting- then, praise Jesus, we never fight either! But if we are talking about discussions that turn to disagreements that turn LOUD. Then, guilty as charged.  

Maybe it's the fact that both my husband (Josh) and I are very passionate people. When we get on a topic that means a lot to us, tensions rise and we can get carried away. And especially when we get real and open up about things that we are struggling with - you can bet there is going to be some fighting going on! We fight because we are seeking truth. We fight because we are tired of failing. We fight because we hate sin. And by the end, we are usually better because of it. We know how to pray for each other and we know how to truly fulfill the role of helpmate in our spouse's life. 

We also fight because we don't agree on everything. We agree on roughly 97.7% of things, but definitely not everything. For example - Josh doesn't like Shepherd's Pie and it just happens to be one of my all-time favorite meals. Of course I didn't know this until after I had slaved away making it during our first year of marriage, while also working and going to school full-time. It may have been one of our first fights ever. Just saying. 

It's normal to disagree, because no two people are alike. If you claim to never disagree with your spouse, then I guess you are the exception to basically every genetic testing that exists. Or you just have no opinion. On anything. Ever. 

I have to believe that couples who claim to never argue with their spouse are just not easily offended. A trait that I am praying and asking God to bless me with. They must be the type that doesn't even realize they are in an argument... when they are in an argument. It's incredible for me to think about, really - as I live on almost the exact opposite corner of the continent. Talk loud and I'm already crying. 

But the reason I am addressing this issue (and simultaneously admitting to not having a perfect marriage) is because with Valentine's Day and all the "public romance" approaching - sometimes this is the time of the year when our marriages are vulnerable. When we compare. When we feel discouraged. And we will hear and read things from others that will tear us up inside. "We never argue," has been mine. 

But please remember that your marriage is sacred. It is one of a kind. It may have it's flaws - but you have entered into a holy covenant with God when you married your spouse. His goal is that you will do more for the Kingdom together, than apart. 

Josh and I may not be able to stand and claim that we never fight - but we do claim that, by God's grace, we are better together. And that is something worth fighting for. 

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Six years ago today, my husband got down on one knee (well, technically we both did... read the story here) and asked me to be his wife! Such a wonderful memory to celebrate every Valentine's Day. The best part is six years and one-and-a-half kids later, my husband is just as romantic as he was then. Here are a few reasons why...

Becoming a parent definitely changes the dynamic of your marriage relationship. You have less one-on-one time with your spouse, and when you do get the time it's not without its interruptions (even when you get away on a date night, there are the constant check-ins with the babysitter and such). And then, there's the whole appearance thing. As a stay-at-home mom, I've gone from having to dress up for work every day to barely making it out of my pajamas by the time Josh comes home. And of course, what used to be sweet phone calls and texts during the day have now turned into a game for Micah on how many times he can grab the phone and hang-up-on-daddy.

But just because you may have less qualitytime together, doesn't mean that it has to be any less romantic.

Here are a few tips on how we keep the romance alive (without getting too personal!) in our marriage now as parents.

1. Put the kids to bed early.

I would say that we actually put Micah to bed later than most. 8pm is our goal, but it usually ends up being 8:30pm by the time we get to sit down on the couch together. But the point is - we get to sit down on the couch together. We are generally done with the "demands of the day" by this point, we've eaten dinner and are ready to relax and watch a movie or just snuggle up and talk. This is my favorite time of the night with my husband and it's important for us to cherish this time together (we've even talked about pushing bedtime earlier, haha!)

2. Make date night a priority.

We are big advocates of "date night!" We are also big advocates of saving money. And we have learned that date nights are almost double the price of dinner and a movie once you have kids. Unless you can find free babysitting and then, you have it made. Since we can't always afford the luxury of having those long date night outs, we compromise and choose to do just dinner or just a movie/fun outing. It still gives us time away together and it's cheaper (on the date + the babysitting side!)

3. Be creative.

Sometimes you just have to get creative with spending time with your spouse. Whether that means lunch dates because they work a night job, or the kids get sick and your "date night-out" is turned into a "date night-in" with take-out and all (trust me, we do this A LOT and I honestly love it). The important thing is not what you do, but that you do it together. As cliche' as it sounds, it's so true. And let's face it, creativity beats conventionality every time. :)

4. Focus on the qualities you love about your spouse.

I actually find my husband so much more attractive now that he's a dad. Why? Because it just escalates all of the wonderful qualities about him that I already loved! When he makes Micah laugh, I'm that much more attracted to his sense of humor. When he carries Micah on his shoulders, I'm that much more aware of how strong he is. When he's teaching Micah how to play basketball, I'm that much more appreciative of his athletic skills. When he's praying over Micah at night, I'm that much more thankful that I married a man who loves Jesus. Focusing on the qualities that I love about my husband, while he is busy being a father, makes me feel like I've been on a date with him the whole time, even if our 1 year old son happens to be tagging along. :)

There you go, nothing mind-blowing. Just a few tips that have become second-nature for us in our relationship. I'm sure you have more, and honestly, I would love to hear them! So please, leave a comment and tell me how you keep the romance alive in your relationship (with or without kids!)

Happy Heart Day, friends!

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Today I am sharing Josh and I's love story over at Sweet Tea, Sunshine and Serendipity! This blog is written by three of the sweetest girls I was blessed to go to college with. Their blog is always an encouragement to me. And I think it's pretty awesome that they have three different voices that contribute to it! I would definitely add them to your blog reading list. :)

Anyway, go ahead over and read our story. It's a very condensed version, I will say (I didn't want to overstay-my-welcome or they might not ask me back! ;) ) But if you are interested in reading our FULL love story (after you go read the condensed version, of course) then feel free to read it all in my "Meet the Robinson's" series I did last year by clicking below.

Meet the Robinson's: First SightMeet the Robinson's: First DateMeet the Robinsons's: First MinistryMeet the Robinson's: A Wonderful Valentine