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I have a confession: I care too much about what people think of me. It's embarrassing how much I care, actually. Within my inner being, I have a desire to please people. Often times more than my desire to please God.

Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Galations 1:10

  It's easy for me to rationalize this, because my relationship with God is never based on my performance. I know He loves me at my worst and at my best. When I fail, He forgives. When I do something worthy of praise, His love is unchanging. It's not based on my ability. It's not based on anything I say or do. It's a relationship centered on what He has alreadydone for me and there is nothing I could do to repay Him. I am but clay in His hands. Being molded and refined in the process.

Yet, my relationship with people is different. They are the ones I have to please.

There is a lot expected of Christians, in general, to live... well, perfect. I heard someone the other day make the common complaint about how Christians are so "hypocritical." And I wanted to cry. Because I felt like she was talking about me.

I am a hypocrite. I always will be. I will never live perfectly what I preach. Because, I preach a gospel that says I don't have to be.

Yet, I work hard at proving myself to others anyway. As Emily Freeman says in her book Grace for the Good Girl, "Because I care so much what you think... I desperately want to manage your opinion of me. Nearly everything I do is to convince you I am good. If I sense any hint of disbelief on your part that I am good, if it seems your opinion is other than what I wish it to be, it becomes my job to change your mind."

It's one thing to say you don't care what people think about you, but it's another thing to live like it.

Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.Luke 6:26

  I have to be honest, I find so much comfort in this verse. Lately, I have felt like I've been under a spiritual attack. The enemy has been speaking lies over me. That I am no good. That people don't like me. And of course, using little situations to remind me of this constantly.

It is no coincidence that God led me to this verse tonight. To help me realize that not everyone will speak well of me, and that it is okay. Many of the Pharisees had strong opinions about Jesus and questioned the way he said and did things. A lot of perceptions were made. A lot of judgement cast. And many people chose not to follow him because of it. I am in good company. 

But a desire to please people is not completely unbiblical. Proverbs 22:1 says, "Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold." And 1 Peter 2:12 explains why good works are important, "Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world."

So how do we battle this conflict within us to "care or not to care" what people think?

By realizing at the heart of it all, our true desire should be caring what people think about Jesus.  And in many ways, that's why I take my reputation so seriously. Because I am a reflection of His grace and love - and if they reject me, I worry they will reject Him.

But honestly? If someone rejects the grace of Jesus Christ because of me, then they obviously don't understand it. Or they would know that I am in need of it just as much as them.

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Last night after small group Josh tweeted this statement, "Life change happens more in circles than rows." I immediately looked over and asked him if he made that up. "That's a good one!" I said. He told me it was an Andy Stanley quote. Well, of course. :)

But the truth is, he could have made it up. Especially after our time together with friends last night.

If you've ever been to church and sat in a pew, row or chair before and felt like something was missing, let me tell you, that's because there was. I truly believe that the difference between just attending church and getting connected in a small group is huge. Like, life-changing huge.

And let's take away the scary words like "accountability" and "discipleship" for a second.

Having a group of people that you meet with regularly to encourage, discuss, laugh and pray with is more than just "another church thing" to add to the checklist. These are friends. These are people who get to hear your heart, your story and learn what your likes and dislikes are (like the first night when I made chili and learned that one guy in our group doesn't like beans, ha! Try eating chili without beans... or don't, if you'd rather not starve!)

Small group is taking church home with you.

The benefits that come from having a small group are accountability and growth in your walk with the Lord. But those scary words don't become scary anymore. And before you realize it, you have a bunch of new friends that are there to encourage you through the difficult days and rejoice with you through the happy ones.

And those are things that you miss out on when you only sit in rows and not circles.

If you keep up with the latest trends, you've probably heard of the term "hipster" by now. Josh and I like to throw the word around when referring to those who dress, what we believe appears to be, "hip" or "modern." Usually that involves some sort of skinny jeans and vintage-looking shoes. And you can't forget the beard, if you're a dude.

While we love to joke about this new style of dress, and at times even find ourselves drawn to some of the emerging fads, one of our biggest concerns is that the style has almost turned itself into a segregated group of people. Hipsters, as they are referred to, has become more than a type of dress. It is becoming a separate entity entirely. And I believe it is infecting the church.

Now, before you take this the wrong way. Let me explain.

The "Christian-hipster" movement that I am referring to is less about dress and more about attitude. It is the attitude of independence, emotional spirituality and anti-tradition. All things that can be good qualities in of themselves, but when combined can lead to a very dangerous, isolated type of Christianity. Where few are "accepted" and many are left behind.

As the wife of a student pastor, I get a first-hand glimpse at the effects of trends on our teenagers. Most of the time, teenagers are the trendsetters. I almost always first spotted a "fashion trend" on a student at our church, before I ever tried to pull it off myself at home. I said "no" to skinny jeans for a long time after first seeing them on a fourteen year old girl. I just knew there was no way my womanly curves would ever look flattering in a pair. Now, they are basically all I wear (and more for the comfort than fashion!)

But as quickly as trends come and go, I have never concerned myself with how a student chooses to dress. It's their choice and I love to see them embrace their individuality. As long as modesty is still a factor, I'm not worried.

Until now.

What worries me about the "hipster" movement, specifically among Christians, is that the attitude comes with the style. In order to be a hipster, you must love coffee, Instagram, alternative/indie music (or basically anything NOT playing on the radio). And don't get me wrong, you can love these things and not be considered a hipster, but you can NOT be considered a hipster and not love these things. That's the difference.

The craving for individuality, has turned into anything but individual. And the desire to be against all things "traditional and irrelevant" to our culture, has turned into the new tradition.

I see it all over churches. Some churches have become so segregated in this movement that everyone in their congregation looks and dresses and acts the same.

That's scary, folks. 

I think many a Christian-hipster will be surprised when they get to heaven and the sweet, old lady worshiping beside them doesn't raise her hands as much or as high, but her praises ring loud with harmony and jubilee. Literal, harmony. She knows all four parts.

You see, the problem is that the church was never made to look the same. We were all created uniquely by our heavenly Father, who desires for us to show no favoritism or prejudice to anyone. A healthy church is full of bald babies, bald adults and everyone in-between. The minute we begin to have a "stereotype" for our church, is the minute we should be concerned about what gospel we are actually preaching.

"My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others? For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?" - James 2:1-4

I'm not sure how many churches would admit to actually having told someone to "sit on the floor" when they come in to their services. But how many times do we go out of our way to include or invite someone to sit with us? Especially if that someone has nothing to offer us in return?

There are many ways we can show favoritism without being explicit about it. I know in my heart, I have done it.

I don't want this to come across as me bashing "hipsters" in general. If you label yourself as one, and feel that way, please understand that is not my purpose for this post. Instead, I want to challenge any sort of style or trend that creates an exclusive community of people that I believe goes directly against the word of God. It is favoritism and prejudice in a subtle manner. It is the enemy's way to divide the church, by creating barriers that are more nonverbal than verbal.

If a person walked into your church wearing a suit and tie, would they feel accepted? Especially if your whole congregation looked as though they just walked out of a rock concert? And I know it's a popular thing today for churches to target specific cultures and groups of people, but is it really biblical to tell someone that there is a church "for your type" down the road?

Sounds like a nice way of saying, "you can stand right over there" in my opinion.

There's a way to bridge this divide, and it takes going back to the gospel. And imitating Paul's decision to "find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some."

"In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences." - Ephesians 4:1-4 (The Message)

Let's be deliberate in our unity. Let's go out of our way to include others who may have different gifts, passions and even clothing tastes than we do. Because that's what the church is made of. And walking together to further the gospel of our Savior Jesus, whether in our Toms or tennis shoes, is the only trend that should really matter at all.