Almost four years ago, I experienced what many refer to as a “faith crisis.” The way I define it is that point where your heart and mind are telling you different things — and you begin to question what you know to be true. Ironically, mine came while I was in the middle of reading a devotional. I was reading someone else’s words and the author was attempting to comfort the reader by sharing that everything in our lives had been intentionally planned by God. I was at a particular point in my life where I was wrestling with my past. I was wrestling with why God had allowed certain things to be a part of my history that would forever impact my future. These words did not comfort me.

It was one of the hardest seasons of my life, spiritually. And yet, here we were in the middle of launching a new campus with our church (looking back on it now, the timing doesn’t seem as coincidental). We were also just blessed with the news that we would be expecting our third child… so in the midst of God doing so much good, I was a puddle of hormones and ridden with anxiety. I cried more that pregnancy than I have my entire life, I think.

The worst part of struggling, I’ve learned, is when you feel all alone. One reason a faith crisis is so isolating is because the source of our spiritual nourishment is in question. How do you comfort a person with the Bible they are wrestling with believing? Who could I talk to, as a pastor’s wife, when I’m struggling in my faith? What if some of my pain was caused by the very place I would normally seek out encouragement — the church?

That was a heavy season.

But God, in His mercy, carried and sustained me through it. He drew me close to Him and reminded me of His love for the downcast, for the broken, for the sinner. When I was disappointed, He reminded me that I should never let my disappointment in people make me disappointed in Him. People will always fail us. He never will.

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”

Isaiah 26:3

Although that season was not one I would like to repeat — I am, honestly, very grateful for it. Because going through that “faith crisis” inadvertently helped strengthen my faith. What Satan meant for harm, God planned to use for good. I am still on a journey of wrestling through things I’ve always believed and didn’t actually know why I believed them. But I’m not afraid of that anymore. God reminded me that He is big enough for my questions and doubts — in fact, He welcomes an honest and open heart.

All throughout Scripture we see men and women of faith being honest in their prayers to God.

When Abraham couldn’t have a son, he questioned God’s blessings:

“O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son? Since you’ve given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth.”

Genesis 15:2

When Hannah desired a child, Scripture says “she wept and cried bitterly to the Lord” (we don’t always get to read the words — but if you’ve been there, you can imagine). She even refused to eat and her husband didn’t understand.

“Why are you crying, Hannah? Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me — isn’t that better than having ten sons?”

1 Samuel 1:8

And of all people in Scripture, no one transparently opens themselves up more than David in the Psalms and Scripture calls him “a man after God’s own heart.”

“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within.”

Psalm 31:9-10

You can find hundreds of verses in Psalms of David lamenting and crying out in grief. But, you will also find hundreds of verses of him praising God as well. The ups and downs are truly part of every faith journey.

And I don’t think we’re honest enough about that.

As much comfort as I’ve received from the Lord, I’m still nervous to share about this season of my life. I would love for you to think my faith has always been strong and I’ve never once doubted, but what good would that do for anyone? I’m afraid too many people in the church are silently struggling and/or leaving the church because of their battle with shame that could have been avoided had someone come along and said, “I’ve been there too.”

Whatever the reason for your faith crisis — whether it’s politics, or disappointment in leadership or sin struggles — I’m here to tell you, you are NOT alone.

The enemy would love for us to believe that when our faith is tested or we are discouraged — that our spiritual life is worthless. He, especially, would love to isolate us from the church and not see us use our gifts or talents for the benefit of the body.

I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to step down from leading worship during seasons of discouragement. The enemy would constantly tell me that I was unworthy. But the Lord would remind me, through the wonderful words of encouragement from my sweet husband and Scripture, that just like Paul in 2 Corinthians — God’s power works best in weakness. We don’t worship God because we are worthy, we worship Him because He is.

“I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:7b-9

I don’t know what 2020 looked like for all of you — but I can imagine, for many, that it may have been a “faith crisis” year. If you are finding yourself in a struggling season, I want to encourage you not to isolate, but to seek out people who will listen and pray for you when you can’t find the words. And when you do, cry out to God with an honest heart. Press in where it hurts and let Him know it. He already does.

“But I will keep on hoping for your help, I will praise you more and more. I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, though I am not skilled with words. I will praise your mighty deeds, O Sovereign Lord. I will tell everyone that you alone are just.”

Psalm 71:14-16

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”

— Matthew 6:25-27

My husband shared on his blog today about our family’s upcoming transition (you can read it here.)

While we are so grateful and excited for this new season of ministry in Venice, Florida — I’ll just go ahead and say it: moving is for the birds. Change is never easy. Yet, just as the Lord is gracious enough to care for the birds — who are constantly on the move and don’t know where or when their next meal will be — so He is, even more so, with us.

This has become very obvious over the last few years as He has sustained us through the ups and downs and challenges of planting a church, growing a family, sustaining a healthy marriage and homeschooling. And just in our present reality of trusting the Lord in selling our current home and buying the next one — it is during these seasons that I see God’s faithfulness in the small details (like our home being under contract after only three days on the market!) Of course, He was still faithful when our last home took 5 years to sell. Whether days or years, we give Him praise for always providing for us.

I have received a few texts and messages from sweet friends and clients asking how I am doing with this transition and what the future looks like for photography here in Jax, so I thought I would address a bit of that in this post. (Sidenote: If you’re reading this, it means you care about our family and I just want to say, THANK YOU! We do not take this for granted.)

In one sense, I am RELIEVED. Because I can finally breathe normally again. God created me to be someone who wears my emotions on my sleeves and I have been holding my breath about the possibility of moving for a few months now. But there is also a deep sadness to leave a church family that we have been with since it’s very beginning. I have been reading Paul’s long-distance letters to the churches he planted in a whole new light. And if I were to write one to our beloved Chets North family, I’m sure it would sound a bit like this:

“We always thank God for all of you and pray for you constantly. As we pray to our God and Father about you, we think of your faithful work, your loving deeds, and the enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ. We know, dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you and has chosen you to be his own people. For when we brought you the Good News, it was not only with words but also with power, for the Holy Spirit gave you full assurance that what we said was true. And you know of our concern for you from the way we lived when we were with you.”

— Paul (1 Thessalonians 1:2-5)

For someone who grew up living in the same small town her whole entire childhood — life in the ministry, serving alongside my husband, has been quite the adventure! One thing I have learned is that stepping out on faith looks different for all of us — for some, it may mean staying put when things are hard; and for others, it may mean going when things are good. But often, it just means going when God says go.

These past few weeks (and really, months) have been some of the most emotional for Josh and I. We have spent a lot of time in prayer and counseling, desperately seeking God’s direction for our family. How do you follow God’s call on your life when you see Him working in both directions? How do you surrender to an unknown future when you are secure and confident in how He is working in the present?

These were our questions.

Following God’s call doesn’t always look like a burning bush moment (although, I’m sure most of us would really appreciate if He would speak to us the way He did Moses!) It is often found in small and faithful steps of obedience.

Eventually, these steps of obedience lead us to making tough decisions. But we are confident that God always rewards bold steps of faith. And when we are seeking God daily, we can trust that He will equip and prepare us for where we can serve Him fully, using our spiritual gifts, that will bring Him the most glory.

We only have a short time on this Earth, and then eternity comes. I’m grateful to be walking alongside a man who gets this and reminds me of the mission whenever I get distracted. And most importantly, I’m thankful for a God who knows what we need even before we do. This was His plan all along — and looking back, we can see just how He’s been preparing us for it.

That said, this transition will not only be affecting my family — but my photography business as well! I have already booked all my sessions leading up to our move, and will be taking select Jacksonville sessions in the future based on when traveling allows for it. We still have family in Jacksonville and will be planning to visit during holidays and such so, hopefully, I can still work it out to keep up with some of my families! But even if it doesn’t work out, I have a list of very talented local photographers I would love to recommend.

On a personal (and maybe a bit selfish) note, I am very much excited about moving to the west coast of Florida — where the ocean is a bit bluer, the sand a bit whiter and the sun sets on the beach! Just praying I find my place and make connections in the photography world over there. (If you’re a local photographer in the Sarasota County area, please message me!)

We are very excited about becoming involved with The Bridge Church and the work God is already doing in the community there! Thanks to those of you who have prayed and walked alongside us in our ministry journey. We count it a blessing to have crossed paths with so many of you over the years. And while Paul’s churches only had letters — aren’t you grateful that thanks to social media, you’ll still get a constant stream of pictures of my babies? Just know that I expect the same in return. ;)

photo by thecapps.co

My two oldest children, a boy and girl, are 18 months apart. Right now they are 7 and 5.5 and are constantly flopping between being best friends and getting on each other’s nerves. 5 minutes ago, I just broke up a fight because he took the blanket that was sitting next to her on the couch. She wasn’t using it, but once he grabbed it - well, of course, she wanted it back!

All that to say, I know a little bit about trying to maintain the peace and harmony in my own home. I’m in the battle daily. So it doesn’t surprise me when I see fellow believers and Christ-followers in the family of God trying to do the same.

What does surprise me is when love seems to be missing from the equation. In other words, the goal is not that we truly want the best for the other person even if we disagree (unconditional love). Instead, agreeing is the determinant factor on whether we choose to love the other person.

This isn’t a new issue. It’s been going on throughout history — and we even see Paul appealing to the church of Corinth and Ephesus to maintain the peace and harmony and make allowance for each other’s faults.

“I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.”

— 1 Corinthians 1:10

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your callings, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”

— Ephesians 4:1-2

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

— Jesus (John 13:35)

These are strong statements to believers about how we are to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ. I think there is more strength in what we get right than what we get wrong.

Many are concerned that in their love they are somehow sacrificing truth. Yet, what does love compel us to do? Care for one another.

If we are concerned for a part of our own body, what do we do? We find out what it needs and we take care of it.

—

Two weeks ago, both of my parents were involved in accidents within days of each other that resulted in broken bones. My dad was ejected from a lift while working on the job and ended up with 18 staples in his head, four broken ribs, a broken shoulder and multiple other bumps and bruises. He is lucky to be alive! Then a couple days later, my mom tripped and fell while running late to catch an Uber (bless her!) and broke her right arm. Comparing the injuries at first glance, one may seem much more simple than the other - a broken arm happens every day. But because of the severity and the location of the break, the doctor recommended surgery to fix it. Surgery brings along a bunch of other risk factors to her injury - and with my mom’s health history could be more serious long-term.

I share that for two reasons - one, to ask you to please pray for my parents if you think about it. And two, because the same is true for our lives spiritually. We can never compare hurts and expect others to heal in the same way. We must care for each other, individually and specifically. We must seek to understand instead of just trying to offer quick fixes.

—

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”

— Matthew 18:15

Matthew 18 tells us the correct way to address someone who has sinned against us (notice this is more than just disagreeing on secondary issues with a stranger on the internet, but rather a person who has intentionally wronged you). Only after multiple attempts to bring the person to repentance does it even require being a public matter. And yet, today we have Christians publicly bashing one another. God help us! What good do we think being unkind and unloving is going to accomplish?

Just like people run away from home when they’ve experienced pain or rejection from family members, many brothers and sisters have run away from the Church for similar reasons. This breaks God’s heart. And it should break ours too.

But even for those who have left the Church - how does the parable of the lost sheep or the lost son describe Jesus’ heart for those who have wandered?

There is grace.
Not just that, but He goes after them.

My encouragement for those of you who are struggling with a fellow brother and sister in Christ is this — decide first, if the issue is really as big as it seems. Sometimes, our personal opinions/preferences play into how we feel about people and that doesn’t make us right and them wrong. Find out if the issue needs to be addressed and always do it privately first.

If that brother and sister is repentant - then we are to make allowances for their faults and forgive them. How many times? Well, Jesus said seventy times seven if you want to do the math.

Forgiveness is at the crux of Christianity and should be at the center of who we are as a family.

Most sin issues that we deal with in our immediate family are private matters that no one else will ever know about. The same is true for our church family. Of course some sin issues are obvious to many — but that doesn’t mean that everyone has a right to speak into them. You know what else is a powerful change agent? Prayer.

If you feel burdened — pray.

My encouragement for those of you who have been on the receiving end of hurt by those in the Church is this — don’t let your disappointment in people make you disappointed in God. People are filthy. We are all filthy. Good thing we don’t go to church to worship people.

photo by thecapps.co

Are any of you still wondering who ended up with the blanket from this morning’s argument? Or would you be content with knowing that they both got along and were playing together a few minutes later? In our family, it’s less important who is right and more important that how we are acting is done in love.

Brothers and sisters in Christ… let’s fight like siblings.