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For the past month, I've been doing a bible study called Stuck by Jennie Allen with some of the women in my church. It is the places we all get stuck in life - anger, fear, brokenness, discontentment - and how we can find freedom.

Every week has been great. But there was one chapter that caused my hands to sweat and heart to pound as soon as I read the title.

Chapter 3: Discontent

You see, I am leading a table of women. Not in any spiritually-superior way, but I guide the discussion, offer insight and testimony when needed. When I read the title of this chapter, I just knew that I would be sitting there in a puddle, the weakest of the bunch, humbly admitting my struggle.

And I was. But you know what else? Something funny happened. As soon as I opened my mouth and admitted that I get discontent every time I look in the mirror, the entire table echoed in agreement. The entire table.

So why am I blogging about Being Content for 31 days? Because I know I'm not alone.

And while there are many things that I could write about that inspire and excite me, I'm taking off the mask and writing about an area of my life that I really need to find freedom in. And maybe you're sitting there thinking that you are the only one with a poor self image, poor bank account, poor this and poor that. Well hopefully, through this series, you will find freedom too.

"Here is the problem with us: we don't go to war with our invisible, soul-sickening sin. We deal with the big, showy, obvious sin that everyone sees, but the invisible stuff is trickier, sneakier, deadlier. Discontentment in the form of jealousy, comparison, and greed is making us sick. It washes over our minds constantly and yet we are so accustomed to it, we have become numb - stuck. The more the word is tossed in my head, the angrier I become. I am angry at the devil, at myself, at this world. I am angry that such small and insignificant dreams bind us so tightly that we live disappointed and paralyzed. - Stuck by Jennie Allen"

This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!

There was a time in my life when I was fairly certain that blogging every day was impossible. Actually, that time was yesterday. And five minutes ago.

Tonight, after picking up a pile of toys and finding myself with an hour before I needed to put Micah to bed, I got inspired. An hour of free time people, this is what inspires me. I decided to take a leap of faith and jump in on The Nester's 31 day blogging challenge for the month of October.

The only kicker... we are supposed to choose one topic to blog on for the whole month.

I struggled for like... 10 seconds, then I remembered a blog post I started last week and literally quit writing because I couldn't condense it to just one area of my life. This is more than just a topic for me. It is an attempt at reminding myself every day, for the next 31 days, of the need for contentment in my life.

In my home. In my marriage. In my relationships. In my finances. In my abilities. In my day to day life of being a stay-at-home mom.

I can't promise it won't be messy. I can't promise that I won't be hiding in a corner afraid to share the real-life dirt that is going on in my heart. But I promise you this - I will do my best. Because I believe that God has a purpose for every story. And in 31 days, hopefully you will see the purpose in mine.

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>>> I will list every day's post here as it goes live. <<<

Day 1: Taking off the Mask Day 2: In the Hard Things Day 3: When Mess Becomes Worth Day 4: Just Staying HomeDay 5: I Must DecreaseDay 6: What I'm Called to Do Day 7: One Week of Blogging Day 8: Seeing the Magic through a Child's Eyes Day 9: The Lie that I Believe Day 10Day 11: One Thing that Matters Day 12: Getting to Know God Day 13: Praying for a Pumpkin Day 14: My Little Onion (18 Weeks) Day 15: There Will Always Be Someone Better Than You Day 16: Knowing too Much Day 17: Choosing a Baby Name Day 18: A Little Self-Promotion Day 19: My Prayer Song Day 20: Speak What is True Day 21: No Friendship Will Ever Be the Same Day 22: The Refining Process of Parenting Day 23: When Plans Fail Day 24: Will My House Ever Be Clean?! Day 25: Spending a Day in Rest Day 26: When I Need Grace Day 27: When You Smile, I Smile Day 28: What I learned from watching, "The Walking Dead." Day 29: Touched By An AngelDay 30: The Costume I Wear Everyday Day 31: The End of the Journey, but not the Battle

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Since Micah turned one a couple weeks ago, we've been on "walk alert" ever since. Watching and waiting for him to take those first few steps on his own. There are some days when I think he's close, and others when I think he's still a ways off from walking independently.

I remember a time when I looked at him and thought... how will he ever learn to roll over?! And then at 3 months, he did. How will he ever be able to sit up on his own?! At 5 months, he was. How will he ever learn to crawl?! At 8 months, I couldn't get him to stay still! And now I look at him with wonder and think...

How will he ever learn to walk?

You see, from a mother's perspective, I am always fascinated when he learns something new. Because it has nothing to do with me. I never pushed him to roll over, sit up or crawl... and I'm not rushing the walking either. He is learning to grow independently. And at every stage, I am just thankful that he comes running back to my arms... well, crawling back, for now. :)

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Becoming a parent has made me see things from a completely different perspective. I can't help but think about how my Heavenly Father looks at me. I'm an imperfect parent and he's a perfect one. And I know that the unconditional love I feel for Micah is just a smidgen of what God feels for him, and me and you. But it may be the closest experience we can have to understanding God's love for us, here on earth.

But here's the big difference... instead of watching as I learn to grow independently and apart from Him, God is watching as I become a baby again in His arms.

I've lived life on my own, apart from Him. I've fallen and gotten back up, with bruises and scars to prove it. But Jesus said something more profound than I ever realized before having a child of my own...

“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven."Matthew 18:3-4

Wow. A child. God wants me to stay little for as long as possible. He's not concerned with me learning how to crawl, walk, or even run through this life without Him. He wants me to sit in his lap, content with just being with Him.

This frees me from needing all the answers, or gaining biblical "knowledge" that is useless apart from just simple obedience.

A few weeks ago, my pastor said a statement that hit me in the gut, "Some of us are educated far beyond our level of obedience." Wow, so true. In the past I have been guilty of thinking I needed to go "deeper" or gain more biblical knowledge to show my devotion to God... but was I even loving my neighbor as I love myself? Or tithing? Or spending time in prayer?

Back to His lap. That's where I want to stay.

When other people fly by in their cool walking shoes, strutting their stuff independently and having all the answers, I will rest in the fact that I am exactly where I need to be. A baby in my Father's arms.

And today, I am happy that my one year old is still sitting perfectly content in mine.