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To Care or Not to Care What People Think?
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I have a confession: I care too much about what people think of me. It's embarrassing how much I care, actually. Within my inner being, I have a desire to please people. Often times more than my desire to please God.

Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Galations 1:10

  It's easy for me to rationalize this, because my relationship with God is never based on my performance. I know He loves me at my worst and at my best. When I fail, He forgives. When I do something worthy of praise, His love is unchanging. It's not based on my ability. It's not based on anything I say or do. It's a relationship centered on what He has alreadydone for me and there is nothing I could do to repay Him. I am but clay in His hands. Being molded and refined in the process.

Yet, my relationship with people is different. They are the ones I have to please.

There is a lot expected of Christians, in general, to live... well, perfect. I heard someone the other day make the common complaint about how Christians are so "hypocritical." And I wanted to cry. Because I felt like she was talking about me.

I am a hypocrite. I always will be. I will never live perfectly what I preach. Because, I preach a gospel that says I don't have to be.

Yet, I work hard at proving myself to others anyway. As Emily Freeman says in her book Grace for the Good Girl, "Because I care so much what you think... I desperately want to manage your opinion of me. Nearly everything I do is to convince you I am good. If I sense any hint of disbelief on your part that I am good, if it seems your opinion is other than what I wish it to be, it becomes my job to change your mind."

It's one thing to say you don't care what people think about you, but it's another thing to live like it.

Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.Luke 6:26

  I have to be honest, I find so much comfort in this verse. Lately, I have felt like I've been under a spiritual attack. The enemy has been speaking lies over me. That I am no good. That people don't like me. And of course, using little situations to remind me of this constantly.

It is no coincidence that God led me to this verse tonight. To help me realize that not everyone will speak well of me, and that it is okay. Many of the Pharisees had strong opinions about Jesus and questioned the way he said and did things. A lot of perceptions were made. A lot of judgement cast. And many people chose not to follow him because of it. I am in good company. 

But a desire to please people is not completely unbiblical. Proverbs 22:1 says, "Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold." And 1 Peter 2:12 explains why good works are important, "Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world."

So how do we battle this conflict within us to "care or not to care" what people think?

By realizing at the heart of it all, our true desire should be caring what people think about Jesus.  And in many ways, that's why I take my reputation so seriously. Because I am a reflection of His grace and love - and if they reject me, I worry they will reject Him.

But honestly? If someone rejects the grace of Jesus Christ because of me, then they obviously don't understand it. Or they would know that I am in need of it just as much as them.

Circles and Rows
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Last night after small group Josh tweeted this statement, "Life change happens more in circles than rows." I immediately looked over and asked him if he made that up. "That's a good one!" I said. He told me it was an Andy Stanley quote. Well, of course. :)

But the truth is, he could have made it up. Especially after our time together with friends last night.

If you've ever been to church and sat in a pew, row or chair before and felt like something was missing, let me tell you, that's because there was. I truly believe that the difference between just attending church and getting connected in a small group is huge. Like, life-changing huge.

And let's take away the scary words like "accountability" and "discipleship" for a second.

Having a group of people that you meet with regularly to encourage, discuss, laugh and pray with is more than just "another church thing" to add to the checklist. These are friends. These are people who get to hear your heart, your story and learn what your likes and dislikes are (like the first night when I made chili and learned that one guy in our group doesn't like beans, ha! Try eating chili without beans... or don't, if you'd rather not starve!)

Small group is taking church home with you.

The benefits that come from having a small group are accountability and growth in your walk with the Lord. But those scary words don't become scary anymore. And before you realize it, you have a bunch of new friends that are there to encourage you through the difficult days and rejoice with you through the happy ones.

And those are things that you miss out on when you only sit in rows and not circles.

When Friends become Family
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We started a small group last night. Five couples, just getting to know each other and hoping to develop a sense of community that encourages spiritual growth in our families and personal lives. I am excited, because doing life with people outside of the church building is something Josh and I feel passionate about. Because, that's when you truly get to know people.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it takes to develop true friendships. Especially because I think as we get older, we tend to get a bit more cynical about relationships in general. We've been hurt, we've been betrayed, we've seen friends come and go in our lives... and sometimes it's easy for us to think that all of it is too much work. Family becomes all we need. Because family never leaves. 

But, what if there was a way to make friends who become like family?

I think the answer could be hidden in our imperfections.

We all have them. Yet some of us do a better job than others at disguising them. And you know, I think that's where the problem lies. Because honestly, who feels comfortable around someone who never seems to miss a beat and is always on their "A-game?"

I know I don't.

If you were to come stay at my house for a week, you would learn that I frequently leave dirty dishes in the sink. For days even. You would learn that Cheerios are a part of our bedroom decor, and I probably should throw away the half-eaten banana from my nightstand. You would also learn a lot about my sharp-tongue when I feel anxious or stressed. I'm far from a model housewife.

But you know what? The people who love me the most, know me the best. And none of the above would surprise them.

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My husband has seen every part of my character, good and bad, and still looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me with all of his heart. The friends who have stayed at our house for several days at a time (even one lived with us for an entire summer) are the brothers and sisters in Christ who pray for us, encourage us and treat us like family.

I find it ironic that the people we spend a lot of time trying to impress, usually never end up being our dearest and best. 

And it makes sense. Because it's ex-haust-ing always having to make sure you say and do the right thing.

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So here's my encouragement for you... don't. Don't try to say and do the right thing all. the. time.

Instead... - Say something stupid and then apologize for coming across wrong. - Forget a friend's birthday and then make it up to them by celebrating a few days late. - Invite someone over for dinner and don't be afraid to make a frozen pizza.

Because in my family, that's how we love.

It's not picture-perfect, and it's not always easy. But it's real. And it's genuine.

And those are the qualities that turn friends into family.