It's crowded out there. And if you're like me, when it's crowded out there - it gets crowded in here too. In my heart, in my mind. I get sucked into the crowd and the busy and the doing and forget what the purpose is. I start functioning and living from a place of performance instead of a place of purpose.

I get distracted.

The truth is, the world doesn't stop moving for us mamas. It doesn't wait until our kids are sleeping through the night, or finally not sick, or potty-trained or not out-of-their-minds (which I've heard actually isn't curable). No, minus a few weeks post-birth when everyone brings you meals and wants to hold your baby (those were the best days of my life), the world expects you to keep operating at it's speed - you know, warp-speed - while still maintaining your role as wife, homemaker and/or working part or full-time. And well I'm sorry, mamas of the social media millennium, when you have communication at your fingertips there is just not a lot of grace for you, even on the friend-level. You must reply to every text, catch up on every Instagram photo, Snapchat video and attend all of your friend's virtual parties on Facebook (because they are making life easier for you by letting you be in your PJ's) while still managing to give your children some sort of a childhood. The kind where they don't end up sitting in front of a screen all day, you know, like you.

 Sigh.

I'm not saying that all distracted moms are sitting on their phones all day. Nah, I know that's not possible with children. But it's still there. And most likely, attached to your hip for any opportune moment to have a second to yourself. To "free your mind." When in actuality, it's really just distracting it more.

I know, because I am so much more guilty than I want to admit.

I don't know why I think that reading one more political post is going to help give me the patience I need, when in the very next moment my child is pouring cereal all over the floor. Or why following that super-model mom rocking her bikini body on Instagram is going to give me motivation, while I stare in the mirror feeling guilty that I skipped out on the gym again that morning. 

And this is just the kind of distracting stuff that happens "behind-the-scenes." There are tons of more opportunities for distraction, you know, when I actually get out of the house. 

I always set out with good intentions, and then end up living and functioning out of performance instead of purpose. Trying to live to "claim a spot" in this rat-race world, instead of resting in the one role that I never have to earn or try to be the best at. The one that Jesus came to die for.

My identity as a child of God. 

I have been redeemed from living a life of selfish ambition or vain conceit (Philippians 2:3-4). Worldly accolades mean nothing when compared with the surpassing value of knowing Jesus Christ as Savior (Philippians 3:7-8). I'm reminded that I can plan all I want to, but my ways are not His ways (Isaiah 55:8) and boasting in anything, apart from Christ, is arrogant and evil (James 4:15-16). 

These are the truths I have to remind myself daily. Before I am a mom, before I am a wife... I am His. And if I miss that, I will naturally keep striving to "perform" in the other two. 

Jesus offered a place for the weary and "burned-out" (burdened) in this world... with Him. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

— Matthew 11:28

As I was tucking my little boy to bed tonight, he asked me (like he does every night) to lay down with him for two minutes. I looked at him and said, "Okay, baby," and then laid down beside him, stroking his soft, fine hair and asked, "You know why I do this, right?" He smiled gently and said, "Yeah... because you reeeally love me." :)

My precious boy knows what Jesus wants us to know... that because I love him so much, he can find rest in my embrace. And in that moment, with all distractions aside, I knew I was doing something right.

I wanted to share a few photos from our Easter egg hunt on Sunday with the kids. Before we went out to find the eggs, Micah made the comment that the eggs were going to be empty because, "Jesus has risen from the grave and the tomb is empty!" I was so proud. But then wondered why I spent an hour filling those eggs with jelly beans! Ha. It makes my heart so happy that we can enjoy the fun aspects of holidays, while still cherishing and teaching them the true meaning of why we celebrate. 

I will never forget Valentine's Day 2006.

It was my first Valentine's date with my future husband. The last man that would ever get to call me his "Valentine." And the first man that I ever really wanted to. :)

Josh and I were in college and had only been dating for a couple months, things were still "fresh" and "new." We went out to dinner together and then to see a movie. 

I wrote him a poem. With pictures included. Ok, basically, I made him a scrapbook. 

He gave me... well, actually, this is where my memory fails me. I have absolutely NO idea what he gave me for our first Valentine's Day! I'm 99% sure it was candy of some kind. Chocolate, probably. But beyond that - no clue. (Sorry my love! Just proof that you mean more to me than any gift!) 

But I do remember that I was in love. Before I ever said the words and before I let myself admit it, I really was. 

I will also never forget Valentine's Day 2008. 

It was the day Josh asked me to be his wife and I gave the easiest "yes!" I could have ever said. 

Prayer and patience make you certain of some things and saying "yes" to marrying my husband was one of those. 

I love that as soon as Josh picked me up for our date that Valentine's Day, he took me straight to the beach to propose! He didn't wait until after dinner, or sunset or when the "moon" or "mood" was just right. He proposed around 5pm and we enjoyed the rest of the evening basking in the anticipation of our future together. 

There are some things not worth putting off, and we were married only four months later.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day 2016.

And in honor of this special day and ONE DECADE spent with the man I love, I thought I would jot down just a few things that I don't want to forget about my husband.

This may sound obvious, but I never want to forget just how much love I have for him. A love that transcends feelings, although the feelings are strong and bring me to tears. A love that speaks 10 years of memories, good and bad, exciting and painful - memories that we can't remember and the ones that we will never forget. 

I want to remember the way my hand fits perfectly in his (and has from day one). And weirdly enough, this has always made me feel safe and at home with him.

I want to remember how he still makes me laugh at the same old jokes. And how I'm mostly laughing because he never stops telling them. 

I want to remember how beautiful it is to look at our children and see both of us in them. How gracious God has been to entrust us with two incredible lives to nurture and raise. How we almost thought we may never experience biological children, and how okay we would have been with that. But God. 

And most importantly, I never want to forget how God's grace is woven into every aspect of our marriage. We are two imperfect people who have surrendered ourselves to the need of a perfect Savior. I could never imagine marriage without Jesus, just as I could never imagine a life without Josh. And until death do us part, I'm so glad I don't have to.

Happy Valentine's Day, my love.
Here's to decades more!