photo by thecapps.co

My two oldest children, a boy and girl, are 18 months apart. Right now they are 7 and 5.5 and are constantly flopping between being best friends and getting on each other’s nerves. 5 minutes ago, I just broke up a fight because he took the blanket that was sitting next to her on the couch. She wasn’t using it, but once he grabbed it - well, of course, she wanted it back!

All that to say, I know a little bit about trying to maintain the peace and harmony in my own home. I’m in the battle daily. So it doesn’t surprise me when I see fellow believers and Christ-followers in the family of God trying to do the same.

What does surprise me is when love seems to be missing from the equation. In other words, the goal is not that we truly want the best for the other person even if we disagree (unconditional love). Instead, agreeing is the determinant factor on whether we choose to love the other person.

This isn’t a new issue. It’s been going on throughout history — and we even see Paul appealing to the church of Corinth and Ephesus to maintain the peace and harmony and make allowance for each other’s faults.

“I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.”

— 1 Corinthians 1:10

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your callings, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”

— Ephesians 4:1-2

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

— Jesus (John 13:35)

These are strong statements to believers about how we are to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ. I think there is more strength in what we get right than what we get wrong.

Many are concerned that in their love they are somehow sacrificing truth. Yet, what does love compel us to do? Care for one another.

If we are concerned for a part of our own body, what do we do? We find out what it needs and we take care of it.

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Two weeks ago, both of my parents were involved in accidents within days of each other that resulted in broken bones. My dad was ejected from a lift while working on the job and ended up with 18 staples in his head, four broken ribs, a broken shoulder and multiple other bumps and bruises. He is lucky to be alive! Then a couple days later, my mom tripped and fell while running late to catch an Uber (bless her!) and broke her right arm. Comparing the injuries at first glance, one may seem much more simple than the other - a broken arm happens every day. But because of the severity and the location of the break, the doctor recommended surgery to fix it. Surgery brings along a bunch of other risk factors to her injury - and with my mom’s health history could be more serious long-term.

I share that for two reasons - one, to ask you to please pray for my parents if you think about it. And two, because the same is true for our lives spiritually. We can never compare hurts and expect others to heal in the same way. We must care for each other, individually and specifically. We must seek to understand instead of just trying to offer quick fixes.

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“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”

— Matthew 18:15

Matthew 18 tells us the correct way to address someone who has sinned against us (notice this is more than just disagreeing on secondary issues with a stranger on the internet, but rather a person who has intentionally wronged you). Only after multiple attempts to bring the person to repentance does it even require being a public matter. And yet, today we have Christians publicly bashing one another. God help us! What good do we think being unkind and unloving is going to accomplish?

Just like people run away from home when they’ve experienced pain or rejection from family members, many brothers and sisters have run away from the Church for similar reasons. This breaks God’s heart. And it should break ours too.

But even for those who have left the Church - how does the parable of the lost sheep or the lost son describe Jesus’ heart for those who have wandered?

There is grace.
Not just that, but He goes after them.

My encouragement for those of you who are struggling with a fellow brother and sister in Christ is this — decide first, if the issue is really as big as it seems. Sometimes, our personal opinions/preferences play into how we feel about people and that doesn’t make us right and them wrong. Find out if the issue needs to be addressed and always do it privately first.

If that brother and sister is repentant - then we are to make allowances for their faults and forgive them. How many times? Well, Jesus said seventy times seven if you want to do the math.

Forgiveness is at the crux of Christianity and should be at the center of who we are as a family.

Most sin issues that we deal with in our immediate family are private matters that no one else will ever know about. The same is true for our church family. Of course some sin issues are obvious to many — but that doesn’t mean that everyone has a right to speak into them. You know what else is a powerful change agent? Prayer.

If you feel burdened — pray.

My encouragement for those of you who have been on the receiving end of hurt by those in the Church is this — don’t let your disappointment in people make you disappointed in God. People are filthy. We are all filthy. Good thing we don’t go to church to worship people.

photo by thecapps.co

Are any of you still wondering who ended up with the blanket from this morning’s argument? Or would you be content with knowing that they both got along and were playing together a few minutes later? In our family, it’s less important who is right and more important that how we are acting is done in love.

Brothers and sisters in Christ… let’s fight like siblings.

As our family has grown, I’ve realized just how important time together (outside of dinner time) is to the overall health of our family. Finding time to play together in the midst of busy work schedules, commitments, parties and events - is so crucial to feeling connected on this journey through life.

Every Friday Josh has “off” from work (I put off in “parenthesis” because we still set up for church on Friday afternoons). Outside of Sunday, it’s my favorite day of the week! It’s also a huge reason why we homeschool.

This past Friday we took our family day to a farm called Congaree and Penn. It’s a vineyard that also sells pumpkins during this time of year. We had to make a reservation beforehand, so it wasn’t too crowded, which was nice! Even though I’m a photographer - there are only a few times throughout the year that I bring my big camera along. I mostly use my iPhone these days. But this is my favorite time of year to document! So enjoy a few photos of our day walking around the farm, visiting with the animals, and of course, searching for the “perfect” pumpkin(s). Spoiler alert: I already found four of mine. ;)

Can anyone guess what we plan to carve our two pumpkins above?
Hint: one is going to be green.

Today is Valentine’s Day, yes. But for Josh and I it’s always been just a wonderful excuse to make a big deal out of the day we were engaged! He proposed on a national holiday, when I expected him to be all sentimental and romantic, so that I wouldn’t be suspicious. I still kinda was... but aren’t we always, ladies? :)

Today is eleven years since he proposed. ELEVEN. We have walked through over a decade of learning to love each other better every day. 

I wasn't planning to write this post, but I was reminded while reading through Scripture this morning of how valuable the marriage relationship is. It is so valuable, that Paul used the example of Christ and the Church to explain the marriage relationship. It's no wonder then, that this relationship is also highly attacked in our culture.

The truth for many of us when we enter into a relationship with our future spouse - is that it's mostly based on feelings. We feel a spark, a connection, an indescribable pull towards the other person - chemistry, some call it. And for the rest of our marriage, we fight to keep that "spark" alive. To not lose the flame that once lit the fire and passion beneath which our relationships were built.

I absolutely felt that natural pull towards Josh very early on in our relationship. We met casually while shooting around in the basketball gym, my first year in college. But I first really noticed him while we were playing a co-ed game of flag football a few weeks later. He was the one looking hot and sweaty scoring all the touchdowns on the other team (what else can I say?) In our case, we dated for about two and a half years before getting married, and experienced what it was like to lose a little steam. Like that time he moved four hours away, after graduating college, to take on a full-time job in ministry and left me all alone in the dust. I was sure he was going to find someone better suited for him (maybe someone who wasn't so unsure of herself and what she was going to do with her life and didn't change her degree three times) so I did the only rational thing and broke up with him first. That lasted about a minute. Because... there was that pull again. 

I believe God works through natural chemistry. But I also, absolutely, believe He can work without it too. It is a gift to be drawn and attracted to your spouse. But it is integrity and commitment that keep us there.

Josh and I, both, had great mentors going into marriage that taught us this. And now, eleven years later, I can attest to it. We have seen marriages end over trivial things and marriages stay together despite huge challenges. The difference has always come down to valuing commitment over feelings. 

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In my Scripture reading, I found it interesting that the only time Jesus specifically addressed marriage was when He was basically being interviewed on the streets by the paparazzi. I imagine a camera crew and mics shoved in his face as he's walking about his business. 

Pharisees: "Jesus, can you tell us whether or not a man is allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
Jesus: "Have you even read your Bible?" (sidenote: I love that he shoots back at them like this) "God created two different genders - male and female - from the beginning. And He said, 'This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.'" 
Pharisees: "Well, why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?" 
Jesus: "Moses permitted divorce, ONLY, as a concession to your hard hearts. But this is not what God intended for marriage to be. And I'll add - that whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery... unless his wife has already been unfaithful."
Disciples (chiming in): Sounds like it's better to not even get married! 
Jesus: "Well, not everyone can accept this - only those who God helps. Some are born as eunuchs (by definiton, a "eunuch" is an emasculated man, with no sex drive) some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose to become eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can."

  (Matthew 19:1-12)

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Whew! Do you not feel the weight of marriage after reading that? I know I do. Jesus basically summed it up - marriage isn't for everyone. I could get into a political discussion on how the world has stolen the marriage covenant that was originally ordained by God, but I won't go there. There are so many factors in our current society that cause people to marry for the wrong reasons and it's no coincidence that two of the biggest reasons people marry are also the biggest reasons they get divorced - sex and money.

It all comes back to feelings. 

When I look at my marriage with Josh, I see a partner in ministry. A father to our children. A loving and faithful husband. Though the feelings I have for my husband are very strong and have only grown deeper over the years - the truth is, we didn't marry for sex or money. So, praise God, our marriage will never fail or succeed because of those two things. 

Whatever a house is built on, will be what remains when a storm comes. And they will come (I wrote a few songs about some of ours). If your foundation is blown away, there will be nothing to rebuild on. But if your foundation is faithfully placed in the arms of the One who lovingly created you both - man and woman - He will rebuild (if necessary), sustain and carry you through this life, together, as husband and wife.