I hear it often. "Ya know, we just never fight," they say in passing while talking about their spouse. I gulp. Swallowing the guilt I feel inside for not being able to say the same.  

How do they do it?  I have asked myself more times than I want to admit. The fears and doubts that come with the reality that, while no marriage is perfect, some have figured out how to have an argument-free marriage is almost too much. 

But perhaps the definition of an "argument" or "fight" looks different for everyone. If we are talking knock-down, drag-out, throwing-punches fighting- then, praise Jesus, we never fight either! But if we are talking about discussions that turn to disagreements that turn LOUD. Then, guilty as charged.  

Maybe it's the fact that both my husband (Josh) and I are very passionate people. When we get on a topic that means a lot to us, tensions rise and we can get carried away. And especially when we get real and open up about things that we are struggling with - you can bet there is going to be some fighting going on! We fight because we are seeking truth. We fight because we are tired of failing. We fight because we hate sin. And by the end, we are usually better because of it. We know how to pray for each other and we know how to truly fulfill the role of helpmate in our spouse's life. 

We also fight because we don't agree on everything. We agree on roughly 97.7% of things, but definitely not everything. For example - Josh doesn't like Shepherd's Pie and it just happens to be one of my all-time favorite meals. Of course I didn't know this until after I had slaved away making it during our first year of marriage, while also working and going to school full-time. It may have been one of our first fights ever. Just saying. 

It's normal to disagree, because no two people are alike. If you claim to never disagree with your spouse, then I guess you are the exception to basically every genetic testing that exists. Or you just have no opinion. On anything. Ever. 

I have to believe that couples who claim to never argue with their spouse are just not easily offended. A trait that I am praying and asking God to bless me with. They must be the type that doesn't even realize they are in an argument... when they are in an argument. It's incredible for me to think about, really - as I live on almost the exact opposite corner of the continent. Talk loud and I'm already crying. 

But the reason I am addressing this issue (and simultaneously admitting to not having a perfect marriage) is because with Valentine's Day and all the "public romance" approaching - sometimes this is the time of the year when our marriages are vulnerable. When we compare. When we feel discouraged. And we will hear and read things from others that will tear us up inside. "We never argue," has been mine. 

But please remember that your marriage is sacred. It is one of a kind. It may have it's flaws - but you have entered into a holy covenant with God when you married your spouse. His goal is that you will do more for the Kingdom together, than apart. 

Josh and I may not be able to stand and claim that we never fight - but we do claim that, by God's grace, we are better together. And that is something worth fighting for. 

Have you ever looked at someone else and thought, "Man, I just wish I could be where they are?"

In life, in career, in marriage, in family, in social status... whatever it is, many times we want what someone else has. The whole deception that we are never quite doing enough or being enough leads us to jealousy and greed.

I remember just a couple years ago, the huge desire I had to be a mom. It drove me to tears to see a pregnancy announcement because I was praying so hard for that to be me.

Fast-forward to now and I am savoring every bit of my very precious alone time while the kids are napping. Today I'm blogging. But typically it wouldn't be far-fetched to find me snuggling up on the couch trying to play catch-up with my DVR. Which some days may, in fact, be the most fun thing I do that day. Depending on if the show hasn't already been spoiled for me. That's a buzzkill.

The truth is, I got everything I coveted for (a family) and yet I still find myself wanting to resort back to the days of wasting my time watching TV. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true.

Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

All these things. All the things that we need in life will be provided for when we seek God first. It's not prosperity gospel - it's thegospel. Because when we seek after God, when we truly chase after building Hiskingdom... we can do without and we feel blessed with little.

The reason we become greedy is because our kingdoms look small. Our jobs don't look important enough or our homes pretty enough. We can't seem to find the right friends or right clothes to make us feel good. And we are too busy staring at people who are too busy staring at people who are too busy building their own kingdoms.

Seek first His kingdom...

God's kingdom looks a lot like giving with no strings-attached, loving with no conditions, serving with no reward. There is no status involved in God's Kingdom, no Pinterest board dedicated to it's cause. Because the things that actually give us value are not measurable here on earth.

I love being a mom. It has been the most fulfilling and God-honoring thing I could have ever asked for. But if I'm not careful, I could build my own kingdom around it. I could try and become "super-mom" with super kids who wear super-hip clothing and are the super-athlete/musician/student. Trust me, there are Pinterest boards for all that.

But more than anything, my desire is to raise children who are united in building God's kingdom instead of their own. It's going to take a lot of work and prayer - I can already see the sinful nature has been passed down from me and planted deep into my children's DNA. But if I can become good at anything, I want to become good at seeking first the kingdom of God. Not for my own boasting, but for the ones who will model their kingdoms after mine - most importantly, my children.

And so next time you are tempted, like me, to become envious of where someone else is in life - remember whose kingdom you are seeking. And that in order to build the Kingdom of God, our kingdoms must look small.

It's amazing what a new blog design can do to kick up the inspiration to write! What is this, 3 days in a row now? I can't promise I will keep this up all year, but I think now that I have thrown away any expectations for myself and this blog, it's become a lot easier to just sit down and write. I just got home from a quick trip to Gainesville (about 45 minutes away) to drop my mom off at a doctor appointment and swing by Panera to meet up with a friend while I waited for her to get done. My mom and I love to talk, so there is never a moment of silence while we drive. Somehow we got to talking about college and how God provided in so many ways that seem miraculous to me now. Like the one time I got a job four hours away leading worship for a good-sized church. They reimbursed me for gas/mileage AND paid me a generous salary on top of it. Oh, and I was only 19 years old at the time. It basically paid for my entire semester of college that year, and came at a time when I desperately needed it.

And then I started thinking about all the ways God really has provided, even since then.

IMG_2780

2013 was the first year I have officially been "unemployed" and taken on my new role as a stay-at-home mom. Prior to that I had been working various jobs for the past decade, since I got my first job as a cashier at a grocery store when I was 16 years old. 2013 was also the first year, since Josh and I have been married, that we were able to afford gifts for both sides of our families, our little boy, Micah... and amazingly, each other.

Looking back on the year, I have tried to pinpoint a cause for this ease in financial burden. But, honestly, I just can't find one. On paper it doesn't make sense. We have an extra mouth in the family to feed, not to mention buy clothes, diapers and other baby products for. There have been unexpected doctor bills and we still haven't sold our house in Alabama. We could be drowning right now.

Instead, we're floating. And even getting a nice suntan while we're at it.

I don't say this to boast in anything we have done. Or even to say that we are living extravagant lives and throwing money up in the air above our heads. This is definitely not the case. But we have a home - a nice home with enough room for our growing family - we are never hungry and do not have to rely on credit cards to pay for flat tires. There was a time when we did.

We made poor decisions in the past with money, and I believe we suffered the consequences for it. But since we made the choice that I would stay home and raise our children, I have never seen a decision more blessed.

I write this all, not only to celebrate and praise God for what He has done in our lives, but to encourage others out there who need to hear this reminder.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

IMG_2929

I think we worry too much about what we don't have, instead of really looking at what we do. I know that was the case for me before I had children. It's amazing the difference a shift in perspective can make. I could complain about the movies we don't get to go see in theaters, or the fancy dinners we don't get to have as often, or even the cost of having to pay for a babysitter to do any of these things anymore.

But what I enjoy more than anything these days is a night at home with my family, cooking a nice meal (usually made for a total of $5 or less!) and streaming a new movie on our Xbox for $3.99. We take walks as a family, go to the park, enjoy God's beautiful creation... and nothing costs a dime. Our bank account is full. Our life is even fuller.

There are so many negative things going around about how much having children costs, and "your life will be over" statements that make me cringe! Maybe I'm only one year into it, and I still have a lot to learn, but that hasn't been my experience so far. And I really don't believe God ever intended for it to be.

So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:31-33

IMG_2958

God provides. I have so much faith in this promise, because I have witnessed it with my own eyes. Through the tangible gifts of family, friends and members in our church - He has provided.

But I think we miss the part where it says to, "Seekfirst the Kingdom of God and liverighteously" and forget that there is an action required on our end. Our lives and choices should be evaluated constantly to make sure we are truly seeking what is best for the Kingdom. If we do this, we can rely on His promise to supply everything we need.   Sometimes that means taking a leap of faith when it doesn't make sense on paper. It doesn't mean you're irresponsible, it just means you are trusting in a God who is more responsible than you. And most importantly, a God who knows what you need before you ever know you need it.