Have you ever wondered?

That’s not an incomplete sentence.
I mean it, completely.
Do you ever just stop and wonder, anymore?

“wonder (v.): 1. Desire or be curious to know something. 2. Feel admiration and amazement; marvel.”

As a little girl, I remember spending a great amount of time outdoors, swinging and... just wondering. About life, about my future, about what my friends may be doing in that moment. In fact, I spent so much time wondering that I would end up filling in the blanks with my imagination. I was known as “the daydreamer” of the family - losing myself in thought and often dreaming of what life may be like outside of the small town we lived in.

I have been thinking about this idea of “wonder” lately. And how we are ever so rapidly losing it in our culture today. In an age of instant communication and Google at our fingertips - there is rarely any question left unanswered. And rarely any patience left for wondering, anymore.

We are quick to silence our thoughts, by reaching for a device. And then we fill our thoughts with an abundance of information that we may or may not need. Instead of filling our curiosity on interests that make up who we are - we are letting culture transform and change our interests into what they want them to become.

Ignorance is our worst enemy.

Irrelevance is our greatest fear. 

And then, the only thing we are really left wondering - is why there is so much anxiety and depression? Loss of passion and desire? Why do we feel so empty, when our days and hours are so full?

Google doesn’t have the answers for that.
And believe me, I’ve tried.

When we stop and let ourselves wonder, I believe we find a world that is full of it. The wonder of creation, for instance, is something I will never get over. How did the mountains form? How do the clouds spread across the sky like cotton candy? How does every living thing have a purpose and function in the ecosystem?

Every single time I draw deeper into wondering and discovering the world we are living in, I draw deeper and closer to the God who created it. And I believe it was designed that way for a purpose.

For it is in the wonder that we find His fingerprints.

“For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.”

— Romans 1:20

I admit, I've fallen victim to third child syndrome. One of the things I have not been great about this pregnancy, is documenting the bump! I was so intentional with my last two about updating this blog with semi-regular monthly updates. But at this stage of my life - with a three and almost-five year old - there are other priorities. And here we are halfway through this pregnancy, and I'm just now getting around to doing one of these "bumpdates." Pay close attention, friends, for it may be the first and last.

It's not for a lack of want-to on my part. I can tell you this - I want to document and remember every single detail! I want to celebrate and throw a party for this little life! That's why I made our gender-announcement photoshoot happen, even though it was certainly not the best time or done in the most picturesque fashion. I just wanted to freeze the moment. People are so kind and always say such nice things about our family photos being "beautiful!" And they do end up being so much more beautiful than we imagined. But the process? Not so much! 

I'm not one for leading a fake reality - so in full disclosure, Hannah wanted absolutely nothing to do with that photoshoot! Ha! She would only look at the camera and give us a semi-smile in one shot. And thankfully, that just so happened to be our family picture. They both fell asleep on the drive out to the beach, so it wasn't because they didn't want to celebrate their little sis! The anticipation just wore them out. ;)

I go back all the time and read my pregnancy updates with Micah and Hannah. And it always amazes me what I FORGET. There are things I wrote down that I was sure I'd always remember. And yet, I read them as though it were the first time! This is why I want to be sure to document what I can about this baby. Though the updates may be more spread out, I hope to fill in the blanks and have memories to look back on. Just to remember what I forget. 

How Far Along:

20 weeks! Wow. Hitting that halfway pregnancy mark is always a huge milestone, but it seems like it came much faster than normal this time! I'm sure that waiting to announce until 13 weeks, and not finding out gender until 20 weeks probably attributed to that. Now I'm torn between hoping the rest of this pregnancy flies by and not wanting my other two children to grow up too fast! Oh the struggle. 

Size of baby: 

Mango. Weighing in at 10 ounces on the ultrasound.

Total Weight Gain: 

+10 lbs is what the doctor says. Personally, I'm pretty sure I gained an automatic 10 lbs the minute I took that pregnancy test! I'm trying not to be too worried about weight this time around, as I know it's part of the process. But still hoping not to gain 40-50lbs like I did with Micah and Hannah. Probably will. Ha!

Maternity Clothes: 

Okay, third time around, I've gotta be honest. I'm not a fan of maternity clothes. Especially, the shorts and belly bands. They just don't fit my short torso and end up rolling up my back. So then I'm left constantly trying to straighten them out without flashing the world. It's a real issue. By the end of the pregnancy, I usually have to give in and wear some maternity jeans and tops that actually cover the belly. But then, I'd still rather be wearing my husband's t-shirts. Right now, I'm all about those dresses and leggings. 

Gender: 

GIRL. Can you believe it?! I can. But only because I saw the ultrasound - TWICE - and it's obvious. But still, when they first gave us a hint that it might be a girl (around 14 weeks) I was completely shocked! I just knew it was going to be a boy. But, I thought Hannah was for sure a boy too. I always think I'm having a boy. LOL. Truthfully, I really had no preference whatsoever. A lot of people have been asking us what we "wanted" since we already had a boy and a girl. And I love having both for such different reasons that I just couldn't imagine choosing between the two! Their personalities and traits are so different. But I don't believe that's necessarily because of gender. Micah is different than many boys and Hannah is different than other girls. Every child is unique and individually created by God. So I look forward to meeting and getting to know our next precious, little girl. 

Movement: 

This is my favorite part of pregnancy. So of course, at 11 weeks, I was positioning myself every which way trying to feel anything I possibly could! And I was almost certain I was feeling the baby move around 12 weeks. But then, I felt nothing for a few weeks. And I started getting worried that maybe that wasn't what I was feeling all along. I can't say for sure if it was - but I do know that I have been consistently feeling the baby since around 15-16 weeks. Josh actually got to feel the baby do a little thump-action on the outside of my belly at 17 weeks (on July 11th - I wrote it down in my calendar, because it was so special!) And during the ultrasound last week, she wouldn't sit still to have her picture taken! So not sure what that says about our future, ha! (See the cute chin to belly profile pic below? That was her squirming around!)

Sleep:  

What is sleep? Ha! I'm currently writing this post at 12am - if that tells you anything. I honestly haven't been waking up much at night on my own (only when one of the other two come wandering into our room, which is very common) so I am thankful for that! It is just the falling asleep "comfortably" that is a growing problem.

What I miss: 

Hmm... I am so thankful to be pregnant and never want to take that miracle for granted! But I do miss my pre-pregnancy body - the one that can lift my children up, no problem. Or run and play tag or wrestle without worrying about harming the baby growing inside me. I am feeling a ton of "pelvic pressure" these days so early in pregnancy, which has made me more cautious about lifting and carrying my other two. And I do miss that.

Cravings: 

I haven't had too many weird cravings yet, that I've noticed. Surprising! I did have to stop drinking hot coffee - 1) it's just too hot outside and 2) it was making me nauseous. I do drink iced coffee and/or hot tea in the mornings, instead. I also love anything cool and refreshing - like fruits and veggies. 

Symptoms: 

Just the pelvic pressure and mild reflux at times. I try to watch how much I eat and drink before bed and that helps!

Best Moment this week: 

It was definitely the moment we got to see our baby GIRL on the screen! The ultrasound looked great, which was so encouraging! Last time during Hannah's anatomy scan, they found soft-markers for Downs which led to more ultrasounds and tests that only caused unnecessary worry. I was prepared for that but, instead, they saw nothing to be cautious about concerning the baby! The only thing that is going to require another ultrasound, is the position of my placenta (which is currently low-lying) and they expect it to move upwards as the baby and uterus grows. It is a miracle to see all four chambers of the heart and watch as blood is already being pumped through it! To know the hand of God is so intricately involved in even the scientific details of our body leaves me in wonder and awe. 

Baby girl, we are so excited for you to join our family! Though your face and name are still a mystery to us, our hearts have already begun to feel your presence. Praying for you. We love you. 

Two days before Easter, we found out we would be expecting our third child! To be honest, it was in the wake of an extremely stressful time. Our little Hannah had fallen a couple days prior at Target and had to get four stitches in her forehead. I was already feeling overwhelmed and incapable of taking care of two very active little ones - that my immediate thought when I found out I was pregnant again was, How am I going to do this?!

But then I remembered my sweet boy, Micah, coming into the kitchen earlier that month, looking at me inquisitively and asking, "Mommy, how do we get another baby in your tummy?" I smiled at the thought of him wanting another little sibling, without knowing that his daddy and I had been "working" on it for a few months already. But so far, there were only negative tests. And I wasn't sure how much hope I should hold out for considering my history with endometriosis. So I kneeled down next to him and quietly said, "Well, you could pray and ask God to give us a baby." With a defeated voice he said plainly, "But I don't think God will hear me." I lifted his chin and stared straight into his eyes, determined to defeat both his fears and mine. "That's not true, I prayed to God to give me a baby and He gave me you and your sister. God will definitely hear your prayer." Then the sweetest thing I've ever seen happened - he folded his little knuckles, bowed his head right there in the kitchen and began praying, "God would You please give mommy a baby in her tummy? Amen."

Approximately 3 weeks later, that prayer was answered. 

It was this sweet reminder that put a smile across my face and lifted the weight of the insecurities and doubts that I would be able to take care of another child. Sure, I'm weak. And weary. And often feel like I can't handle it all on my own. But the Lord, gave us this child. He has always renewed my strength, in one way or another, and by His grace we continue to survive.

I have felt His strength while taking care of two preschoolers and simultaneously battling nausea and digestion issues. I felt His peace when I had to make a scary trip to the ER last week to be catheterized. This hasn't been the easiest pregnancy so far. But again and again, I'm amazed at the miracle taking place inside me and I know the Lord has His hand on it all.

One exciting perk to this pregnancy - I get to share the experience! My little sister is expecting her first child, a baby girl, in October! I am so excited for her and looking forward to having close cousins as playmates! It's been fun sharing this little secret with my sister for the last few months. And, though I'm not quite sure how she did it, she was able to keep her pregnancy under wraps for 20 weeks and just had a big gender reveal party last week to surprise her friends! I'm not sure whether they were more excited about the gender or the pregnancy, but I'm glad the secret is finally out! I was having a harder time keeping her pregnancy a secret than my own, ha!

Not that I would have ever been able to hide this bump for long. Third babies don't like to hide.

Josh and I had a fun getaway last week for our anniversary in the mountains. It was my first time being away from the kids since they were born, and as nervous as I was anticipating it to be - it was definitely a much needed and relaxing time! We may look all serene and serious in these photos, but it was quite the comedy trying to capture them! We set up the self-timer on my camera - and I was hopping over rocks and hills (in heels!) to try and make it back next to him in 10 seconds. It was worth it though. These views were breathtaking and priceless. I am so glad we were able to spend this time together... just the three of us. And I guess I still technically can't say I've spent a night away from my babies, seeing as how I'm currently carrying another one. :)