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I just stopped for a minute yesterday to capture this candid photo of my house right now.

(please ask me why a TV tray is in the middle of the room, because I have no idea)

I wish I could say my house only looks this chaotic because we have a floor guy here redoing the kitchen and laundry room, but God (and my husband) knows that it looks like this most days.

Let me get right to it... I am discontent about the messiness in my life. But mostly, how to go about fixing it.

Tell me, oh wise mothers... is it possible to have a toddler AND a clean house? How do you do laundry without a small child tearing apart everything you just folded? How do you clean the kitchen without also having to offer up a "snack" in the meantime (which ends up leaving crumbs and residue all over the floor?) How can you vacuum the house and not also vacuum up a small Lego piece or worse, your child's curious toes that are chasing you everywhere?

Am I the only one struggling here?

I want a clean house. I'm supposed to have a CLEAN house. I'm a stay-at-home mom, after all.

This is really an area of my life that I feel so insecure in. Mostly because we like to have people over, but the mess just makes me feel like a slob. And I'd rather just sit in my mess alone, than welcome someone to come join in the mess with me.

Sounds a lot like my spiritual life too.

Why is it that we are afraid to let people see the real us? The messy us? Because, admit it, even the cleanest among us has to poop.

I know for me at least, I feel like my worth is measured by how little of a mess I appear to have. Like people would want to be around me more if I appear like I have it all together.

When really, the opposite is true.

I appreciate those who I can sit down at lunch with and be completely genuine. Who I can invite over in the middle of the day, when Micah is going full storm all over the house leaving trails of toys and they can sit back and laugh with me.

Will my house ever be clean again? I really hope so. But in the meantime, I'm going to be content with the blessing that I have a beautiful, healthy child to go around messing it up.

So I apologize if you come over and experience a little chaos. I want you to know that the fact that you are over at my house is more important than having everything perfectly put together. And I hope you leave feeling maybe a little encouraged in your own mess, whatever it is.

Sometimes the best encouragement is just knowing that we're not alone.

This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!

Last night as I went to bed, I closed my eyes and had a vision of how today would go. I would wake up, pull Micah from his crib and snuggle with him for a few minutes before jumping in the shower to get ready for my 9am bible study. The babysitter would come at 8:30 and I would leave her with a clean, fed, happy baby who would be ready for his nap in an hour.

Then I would drive to bible study, enjoy a refreshing time with some wonderful ladies and make a pit stop by the doctor's office to pick up my blood test referral. I would come home in time to meet the floor guy who is putting tile in our kitchen and laundry room, and relieve the baby sitter from her duties...

And then I woke up this morning.

And it seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Ever have one of those days?

I didn't wake up to my alarm this morning, or even a soft cry on the baby monitor, instead I woke up a half hour late to a screaming, crying baby. And I was so "out-of-it" that I had a pillow fight (meaning I kept my head on the pillow the whole time) with my husband about who would go get Micah.

I won. But really, we both lost.

As Josh was in the room changing Micah, I hear him call for me on the monitor, "Cassidy, please come in here... there's pee everywhere." As I fought to open my eyes and stumble out of the bed, I mumbled loud enough for him to hear about how dramatic he sounded about pee and that it can't be that bad...

When I got in the room, Micah proceeded to pee all over me. (Insert dramatic sigh)

Josh started the bath and by this time it was 8:15. There was no way I'd be showered before the babysitter arrived.

After Micah was bathed, I got him dressed and changed the sheets in his bed (which also had pee all over them). Doorbell rings, I grab my robe and answer it. Thankfully, she humored me and called me gorgeous (she's a keeper).

I finally jump in the shower to get ready. Now my thought is, there is no way I'm making the bible study on time.

I hurried and finished with 5 minutes to spare. I'll be a few minutes late, but things are looking up.

Then I get in the car, pull out into the street (the only street to get out of our neighborhood I might add) and get stuck behind a school bus. It took 10 minutes to drive 2 miles.

I have nothing else to do, so I start singing. "Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I've got a beautiful feeling, everything's going my way!"

I couldn't help but laugh when I look down and my gas tank is empty.

Sound familiar?

We all have those days when the way we envisioned it going is nowhere close to reality. Sometimes it's silly examples like the one I gave, and sometimes it's your wedding day. Whatever it is, and whenever it happens, the feeling that comes over us can probably be summed up in one word: discontent.

It's hard to be content with life when it doesn't go as planned. And it's not like we can just get rid of our "plans." Oh, how I wish it was that easy sometimes. But our society thrives on a schedule. We have schedules for learning - we call it school - schedules for eating, schedules for exercising, and we even schedule in a time for spiritual growth every Sunday.

Not that schedules are a bad thing, because without them a lot of us would not accomplish these basic, necessary habits for our lives. But when we live for a schedule instead of with a schedule, I think that is when we crumble when it falls apart.

Here is a passage that calms my discontent heart when it comes to plans:

Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. James 4:13-16

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I made it to my bible study this morning twenty minutes late, but I still received the blessing of fellowship and truth spoken with the women there. If I lived for the schedule, I probably would have just told them I wasn't going to make it when I knew I wouldn't be there right on time. But living with the schedule, allows me to experience the freedom and grace that comes with not being able to handle every problem that hinders my "perfect plans."

I probably wouldn't try to use that as an excuse to your boss for why you're late for work everyday, but you get the picture.

Plans are wise and should be made, but our hearts should be so dependent on the Lord for when the time comes and they're, inevitably, broken.

This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!

I have been so amazed at the things Micah is learning lately. For example, when I change his diaper I usually say, "Did you go pee pee (or poo poo)?" depending on what smell is permeating the room. He usually responds by mimicking me.

We were at one of Josh's tennis matches the other day when I hear Micah's little voice say, "pee pee." I look down to see him sitting in his stroller, eyes staring straight up at me. So I pick him up and take him to the bathroom, and low and behold he had a wet one!

Seriously. Potty training crossed my mind.

It hasn't happened since, but the whole idea of him developing these skills without much guidance on my part, is just mind blowing.

I am beginning to see just how much of an impact our words and actions have on him. He remembers things exceptionally well right now. I pull up at church and he instantly begins to say, "daddy!" Because he knows he works there (or at least knows he's always there when we go!)

He says, "hi" and waves at people in the waiting room at the doctor's office, out to eat at a restaurant, and in the aisle at the grocery store. I have strangers (mostly ladies) coming up to me all the time telling me that Micah has been waving at them. I think it's adorable that he wants to socialize. And it makes sense, because he watches us do it a lot.

I could go on about the things he's learning (and I am writing it all down in his baby book!) but the reality is that Micah is aware.

He's aware when we argue. He's aware of what we watch on TV. He's aware of when we pray. And how often.

We have a dog, Heidi, who is a smart girl. But even she is not aware in the same ways Micah is. She can't repeat our words and actions.

Carrying this responsibility as a parent has made me more conscience and responsible for my behavior. Josh jokingly pointed out at lunch just yesterday that's it's been a long time since I stormed out of the car mad at him. Since before Micah was born, I pointed out after realizing.

That's not to say I haven't been in the wrong or had moments where I lost my temper, I have. But I've been so much more aware that a little person is watching me.

One of the things I have been most discontent about myself in the past, is my anger. I do not like getting angry. I hold it in for as long as possible, but usually that just makes it worse and it all comes out in a huge ugly fashion.

This is not something I want Micah to emulate. I don't want him to grow up with us yelling at each other or even worse, him.

There is only one way I am learning to avoid this kind of conflict - and that's by focusing my heart and mind on Jesus. Anger comes from pride, and pride is all about selfishness. Turning away from self and looking to Jesus when we are hurt or upset or disappointed, will always focus our hearts on what really matters. Not the silly bowl of cereal that Josh didn't put in the sink.

I know that I will continue to make mistakes and fail as a person and a parent, but that shouldn't stop the refining process that is at work here. Every day I have a choice to get up and focus my heart on Jesus. If not for myself than, at least, for my son.

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This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!