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The last time I nursed my daughter.
photo by Justin Robinson

photo by Justin Robinson

The other day I heard a whisper from the Lord right before I was about to begin my nightly ritual of nursing Hannah before bedtime. My usual routine was to grab my iPhone and scroll through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (in that order) as she drifted off into her milk coma. But that night I heard a little voice (that I realize was the Lord, now) say, "Why don't you put your phone down tonight and just enjoy these moments. They will pass so soon." I heard the voice clearly and even thought about obeying it for a second, but then my selfishness got the best of me and I was back to my usual routine. 

And then a couple days later, my sweet 10 month old baby girl stopped nursing.  

I was blindsided one night when I went to feed her and she acted completely uninterested. My never-skips-a-meal, eats-for-20-minutes-on-both-sides, baby girl was uninterested. I tried for half an hour... nothing. She even started screaming in frustration/hunger. I didn't know what else to do and I had no formula on hand, so I tried pumping and giving her a bottle. It worked, thankfully. I tried again the next morning... and same story. Finally I took her to the doctor (because obviously, something HAD to be going on... I mean, she must be ill or something) and they said she was teething. Well yes, duh, she already has 9 teeth. I could have told you that. But that never stopped her from nursing before.

And when it finally hit me and I finally succumbed to the fact that this was just it, that she was done nursing and ready to move on... I cried. I mean, really cried. 

I didn't think I would be emotional about it. I mean, I wasn't with Micah. I nursed him 13 months and was relieved when he finally could go to sleep on his own without needing to nurse. 

But maybe this was different because I was already pregnant with Hannah by the time Micah stopped nursing. And I knew I would be back at it again soon. Or maybe, and probably more likely, it was because this time... it wasn't on my terms. This time I didn't get to plan the weaning process. I didn't get to prepare her for it. And I definitely didn't get to prepare myself. 

And I remembered that small voice that whispered to my heart just a few nights before, telling me that these moments were fleeting... and I wish I had obeyed. I really wish I would have cherished those last couple days like I did when she was first born and all I could do was stare at her sweet face 24/7.

People tell us all the time to enjoy those early stages right after they are born, because it goes by so fast. And it's true. They do. But we need to cherish the moments in-between too. Because for all the "firsts" that we experience, there are so many "lasts" that will quickly sneak up on us. I wasn't prepared for this last. But I promise to listen and be prepared for the next.  

 

 

Family Photos

For the very last day of 2014, we went out in the woods behind our house and took a few family photos. A huge thank you goes to my brother-in-law, Justin Robinson, for capturing these for us. It's no easy task to take pictures of a toddler and baby, but he did a great job (and it helps that they really love their uncle!) I want to remember them exactly as they are and these photos truly capture each of their sweet personalities. I will cherish them forever!

This one is priceless to me.

My little explorer. :)

This is his "dinosaur" face.

Goodness... that smile melts this mama's heart.

How DID he grow up so fast?!?

We almost forgot to get a picture of just the two of us! Thankfully, Justin snapped a couple more in our front yard. He also pointed out that we are definitely starting to "look" like parents, hahaha... sigh. I agree. ;)

One word for 2015
Processed with VSCOcam with a6 preset
Processed with VSCOcam with a6 preset

This is it. The last day of 2014. There have been so many great things that have happened this year (like the birth of my daughter and the launch of my photography business) that I could spend hours recapping, but instead I would rather talk about the future. Some people choose one word or a "word of the year" to focus on for the upcoming year. In past years, nothing has ever really come to mind. But the closer we began to approach 2015, the stronger I felt that this year... I needed a word. Not just to join in the "hype" or feel like I'm setting some goal for myself - no, this is a word that I believe God has specifically placed on my heart and is teaching me to live by in the upcoming year (and beyond!)

My word for 2015? Simple.

Yes, you read that right. My word is simple.

I don't believe I'm an extravagant person, by any means. But I do like nice things. And my taste is sometimes more extravagant than my lifestyle allows (pointed out by my husband just recently). But the Lord has been working on my heart most recently, through conversations and sitting in other people's homes, through random little things I've read randomly in random places (seriously, random) and through His word - that I need to live life more simply.

Getting rid of the clutter, the packed schedule and the need to stay updated on social media. Focusing more on heart work and less on busy work. Cleaning out the closets, literally and metaphorically.

Life with two small children is not slowing down any time soon. But what I can change is how many toys there are to pick up after playtime, how many clothes we wear, how often we go out to eat and how much shopping we do. I will begin this next year by purging and only keeping things that I love or use often. I've found some helpful tips here and here on how to help me do that (and if I don't return your text message, I'm probably head down in a box somewhere).

Again, we have never been extravagant people. This isn't just about giving up a life of luxury - I truly feel called to a simple life. I want to live simply, so I can be of more use for the Kingdom of God.

I've noticed that when my life is super-packed and busy, I have less room in my schedule for others. And with all the STUFF we've accumulated lately, it takes me hours to tidy up my house. I want to have a home free of clutter, so I can invite people over on a whim and they won't be sitting in my two-week-old clean, unfolded laundry. I want there to be freedom in our budget to buy (or make) someone a meal. And I believe the answer is simple. Less is more.

There are so many verses from Scripture that come to mind when thinking of the way I desire to live my life to the glory of God. Here are a few areas where I am striving to live more simply.

  • In appearance - "Do not be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."1 Peter 3:3-4
  • In hospitality - "When you put on a luncheon or a banquet, don't invite your friends, brothers, relatives and rich neighbors. For they will invite you back, and that will be your only reward. Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you."Luke 14:13-14
  • In my home - "She carefully watches everything in her household, and suffers nothing from laziness."Proverbs 31:27

I am super excited for this new year! Excited for purging? Not really. But more than anything, I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to continue working in and through our family. This year has been a growing one (literally) and more than ever, I feel this anticipation of what He is going to do! My prayer is that our lives point to Jesus in all aspects. May the desire to live simply in our physical lives, be a motivator to live more abundantly in Christ!