I remember when I first became a mom. I showed up late to lunch dates, bible studies, or really anything that involved a start time (because, let's be honest, I was never the most punctual person before I had another whole human to dress, feed and pack a bag for). I remember looking at mom's of two, four or (Lord, bless them)... SIX children and thinking, "How are you alive right now?!"

The real gut-punch came one day when I stumbled out of my Cheerio-infested house to head to a play date at another mom's literal, spick & span, HGTV-model home. A mom of three kids, nonetheless. I just knew there was something wrong with me. I started thinking of all the things in my life that I needed to give up in order to keep my house clean. I need to quit singing. I told myself if I quit singing, I'd quit leading worship on the weekends and then I'd quit playing guitar at home so that I could keep my house clean. And also, I'll delete Instagram. Maybe if I deleted Instagram, I'd quit taking so many photos of my cute baby doing so many cute things and I would be able to keep my house clean. 

This was my plan. And I was sticking to it. 

And then I heard it. "Well, the lady who cleans our house..."  The statement that changed my life as a mom forever, just casually mentioned in the middle of a play date. I realized in that moment, that I would never again compare my life to another mom. SHE HAS A CLEANING LADY, for crying out loud. I wanted to raise my praise hands in the air (like I just didn't care) because I was so happy to hear that. Sure, there was no way I could afford to pay a cleaning lady at that point in time, so keeping my house clean was still an issue that needed addressing, but at least the pressure and the weight of comparison was gone. 

Lately, I have felt that weight of comparison sneaking back into my life. Maybe now that I have two children (and am struggling once again, to keep my house clean) has caused me to start thinking of why the need to "stay on top of everything" as a mom exists in the first place.

Part of me blames the Proverbs 31 woman. 
You know, the one with a whole chapter of the Bible dedicated to her awesomeness. 

Let me say, first of all, that I've actually always been a fan of the Proverbs 31 woman. She and I have some things in common. The whole "laughing without fear of the future" goes along well with my personality. And the fact that she likes to make clothes and bedspreads, makes me think she must have been a creative type.

But that stinkin' woman has been getting on my nerves lately with her ability to always make her husband and children happy and never suffer from laziness. I think the one that really got me, and really got me thinking, was the notion that she, "brings her food from afar." Obviously, the woman has never had to grocery shop with two small children... because there ain't no "going afar" for me. The closest grocery store is it, these days (and if we make it out with at least a meal or two, then that's a SUCCESS). So who is watching her kiddos, then? 

And there it was. The (second) statement that changed my life forever, "She plans the day's work for her servant girls..." And the weight of comparison was gone again. You see, the Proverbs 31 woman... HAD CLEANING LADIES. Or maybe they were nannies. Or maybe they cooked. But the point is, she had help. I find it ironic that besides preparing breakfast before dawn (of course), it never mentions her specifically cooking or cleaning at any other point in the chapter. Actually, it focuses a lot on her ability to be frugal and love her family and others well. 

Sometimes, as woman, we get caught up in comparing our lives to an ideal. When ideally, the standard changes. We cannot compare our current state of life to the Proverbs 31 woman, just as much as we cannot compare our current state of life to the single mom down the road. Or the mom with 1200 square foot of living space. Or the mom with five bedrooms. Or the mom who works. Or the mom who stays home. Or the mom who works from home. Or the mom with six children. Or the mom with one dog (we love our fur-babies too!) 

All of our circumstances look differently. So all of our lives will look differently.

What can we do? Help each other. Because, honestly, that's what we need more of in our current society. We need more help. We have bigger homes, full of more junk and bigger schedules, filled with more activities and less help to do it all. I get texts all the time asking for babysitters. Meanwhile, I'm trying to find one myself. 

There is a lot of advice out there to quit being busy, and sure - sometimes our lives ARE overbooked and we need to cut things out. But if there is one thing that the Proverbs 31 woman was... if nothing else, girl was busy. Her hands were always hard at work doing something. But it wasn't just busy work for the sake of busyness - no, everything she did was to the benefit of her family. 

So next time you are struggling to keep up with an "ideal." Just remember that your standard should not be based on what Martha Stewart is doing down the road, but should be solely focused on whatever benefits your family. 

Whether that's eating organic every night at home or grabbing fast food in order to make it to a soccer game. The important thing is that you're doing what's best for your circumstances and for your family. 

And when poop hits the fan (quite literally), hire a cleaning lady.

photo by Justin Robinson

The other day I heard a whisper from the Lord right before I was about to begin my nightly ritual of nursing Hannah before bedtime. My usual routine was to grab my iPhone and scroll through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (in that order) as she drifted off into her milk coma. But that night I heard a little voice (that I realize was the Lord, now) say, "Why don't you put your phone down tonight and just enjoy these moments. They will pass so soon." I heard the voice clearly and even thought about obeying it for a second, but then my selfishness got the best of me and I was back to my usual routine. 

And then a couple days later, my sweet 10 month old baby girl stopped nursing.  

I was blindsided one night when I went to feed her and she acted completely uninterested. My never-skips-a-meal, eats-for-20-minutes-on-both-sides, baby girl was uninterested. I tried for half an hour... nothing. She even started screaming in frustration/hunger. I didn't know what else to do and I had no formula on hand, so I tried pumping and giving her a bottle. It worked, thankfully. I tried again the next morning... and same story. Finally I took her to the doctor (because obviously, something HAD to be going on... I mean, she must be ill or something) and they said she was teething. Well yes, duh, she already has 9 teeth. I could have told you that. But that never stopped her from nursing before.

And when it finally hit me and I finally succumbed to the fact that this was just it, that she was done nursing and ready to move on... I cried. I mean, really cried. 

I didn't think I would be emotional about it. I mean, I wasn't with Micah. I nursed him 13 months and was relieved when he finally could go to sleep on his own without needing to nurse. 

But maybe this was different because I was already pregnant with Hannah by the time Micah stopped nursing. And I knew I would be back at it again soon. Or maybe, and probably more likely, it was because this time... it wasn't on my terms. This time I didn't get to plan the weaning process. I didn't get to prepare her for it. And I definitely didn't get to prepare myself. 

And I remembered that small voice that whispered to my heart just a few nights before, telling me that these moments were fleeting... and I wish I had obeyed. I really wish I would have cherished those last couple days like I did when she was first born and all I could do was stare at her sweet face 24/7.

People tell us all the time to enjoy those early stages right after they are born, because it goes by so fast. And it's true. They do. But we need to cherish the moments in-between too. Because for all the "firsts" that we experience, there are so many "lasts" that will quickly sneak up on us. I wasn't prepared for this last. But I promise to listen and be prepared for the next.  

Have you ever looked at someone else and thought, "Man, I just wish I could be where they are?"

In life, in career, in marriage, in family, in social status... whatever it is, many times we want what someone else has. The whole deception that we are never quite doing enough or being enough leads us to jealousy and greed.

I remember just a couple years ago, the huge desire I had to be a mom. It drove me to tears to see a pregnancy announcement because I was praying so hard for that to be me.

Fast-forward to now and I am savoring every bit of my very precious alone time while the kids are napping. Today I'm blogging. But typically it wouldn't be far-fetched to find me snuggling up on the couch trying to play catch-up with my DVR. Which some days may, in fact, be the most fun thing I do that day. Depending on if the show hasn't already been spoiled for me. That's a buzzkill.

The truth is, I got everything I coveted for (a family) and yet I still find myself wanting to resort back to the days of wasting my time watching TV. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true.

Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

All these things. All the things that we need in life will be provided for when we seek God first. It's not prosperity gospel - it's thegospel. Because when we seek after God, when we truly chase after building Hiskingdom... we can do without and we feel blessed with little.

The reason we become greedy is because our kingdoms look small. Our jobs don't look important enough or our homes pretty enough. We can't seem to find the right friends or right clothes to make us feel good. And we are too busy staring at people who are too busy staring at people who are too busy building their own kingdoms.

Seek first His kingdom...

God's kingdom looks a lot like giving with no strings-attached, loving with no conditions, serving with no reward. There is no status involved in God's Kingdom, no Pinterest board dedicated to it's cause. Because the things that actually give us value are not measurable here on earth.

I love being a mom. It has been the most fulfilling and God-honoring thing I could have ever asked for. But if I'm not careful, I could build my own kingdom around it. I could try and become "super-mom" with super kids who wear super-hip clothing and are the super-athlete/musician/student. Trust me, there are Pinterest boards for all that.

But more than anything, my desire is to raise children who are united in building God's kingdom instead of their own. It's going to take a lot of work and prayer - I can already see the sinful nature has been passed down from me and planted deep into my children's DNA. But if I can become good at anything, I want to become good at seeking first the kingdom of God. Not for my own boasting, but for the ones who will model their kingdoms after mine - most importantly, my children.

And so next time you are tempted, like me, to become envious of where someone else is in life - remember whose kingdom you are seeking. And that in order to build the Kingdom of God, our kingdoms must look small.