I made a commitment to blog for 31 days and I will stick to it. But, I want to go ahead and give you guys a heads up about this weekend. Our student ministry has a huge event every year called Decrease. If you know anything about student ministry, it's basically a modern Disciple Now weekend where students break up into small groups and stay at host homes and then meet together every night for worship. Also, there's a mega relay involved where kids get coated with flour and water (but, shhh... we don't tell them that beforehand). I'll be leading worship with the band for the next three days and hanging out with the students the rest of the time. This year we have about 300 students signed up to attend! So you can bet it will be a jam packed weekend, with lots of relationship building and spiritual growth. I. CAN'T. WAIT.

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So... what am I discontent about today? The fact that I don't have enough time in a day to do everything that needs to get done.

And can I admit something real quick? Since I'm a "stay-at-home" mom, sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to say that.

Like saying, "I'm busy" to a mom who works 40 hours a week, seems insulting almost. But at the same time... I desperately mean it.

Take today, for instance. Here was my schedule:

7:30am - Wake up (Micah let me sleep in an extra 30 minutes!)8:00am - Eat breakfast8:30am - Turn on "The Cat in the Hat" for Micah, while I sit on the couch and read my devotional for the day.9:00am - Play on the floor with Micah/wear him out good for his nap/wait for signs of tiredness9:30am - Put Micah down for a nap10:00am - Clean up the kitchen/living room (unless I woke up before 6:30am that morning, then I'm totally taking a nap!) Today, I cleaned. We have a guest staying with us tonight, so I crammed in some extra chores on top of my daily routine. 11:00am - Get showered/dressed for the day11:30am - Micah wakes up (sometimes he wakes up before I have a chance to get ready, which in turn means sometimes I miss my shower) Because of the extra time spent cleaning, today he woke up before I showered, but I HAD to get one - so he spent time in his pack 'n play aka "baby jail."12:00pm - Lunch (sometimes Josh comes home, sometimes we go out, sometimes I have lunch with a friend) Today, Josh came home. :) **This is where the schedule changes daily. But most days, besides Mondays and Fridays, are jam-packed just like this.** 1:00pm - Drove Josh back up to the church. We basically share one car, unless it's for short trips. Josh has a jeep wrangler that needs a new top. Today he needed the car to drive an hour to the Orlando airport at 3:00pm and I needed to teach guitar lessons up at the church at 3:30pm, so me and Micah had to go ahead up there early. 1:30-3:30pm - Spent time in the office helping prepare for Decrease and letting Micah play a little while in the 1 year old room (see picture above!)3:30pm - 5:00pm - Guitar lessons (During this time, Micah was being watched by one of Josh's interns and took about a 30 minute nap)5:00pm - Got a ride home from one of our friends/neighbors, who also works at the church. 5:30pm - Realized I didn't have a key to my house and spent a few minutes calling around and then got the bright idea to call my landlord and find out what the garage code was!5:45pm - Prepare/eat dinner with Micah6:30pm - Finished getting a few things ready around the house for our guest, while Micah played in the living room. 7:00pm - Gave Micah a bath7:30pm - Put Micah to bed8:00pm - Whew! I finally get a chance to sit down and breathe, oh let me let our dog Heidi out real quick... (insert some-what-contained-because-baby-is-sleeping high pitched scream) A FROG!!! Spend the next 20 minutes chasing a frog around the house with a cup trying to capture the wicked thing. Finally trap it. Refuse to pick it up myself and leave it there until Josh gets home. 9:00pm - Welcome home, Josh (and friend!) Spend time eating cheesecake and chatting with them until... well, 30 minutes ago. 

Here I am and it's almost midnight. I wish that I had more time in the day.

Today is all about recognizing the fact that being a "stay-at-home" mom doesn't make me any less busy. And feeling the need to refrain from sharing with others that... "hey, I'm swamped today!" because of fear that my busy doesn't look the same as someone else's busy, is just plain ridiculous.

But I let it burden me. I answer the question, "Do you just stay at home with Micah?" with a smile and a shy, "Yes." When I just want to scream, "It's more than JUST STAYING HOME!"

And so today, I let go of that. I'm going to proudly wear my "stay-at-home" mom title with joy. And not feel obligated to volunteer for everything, because I must, "have the time." No, sweet friend, I don't have the time today. I'm busy raising a wild, crazy, free-spirited, fun-loving, future-man.

And I am perfectly... content.

This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!

I'm spending the week in Greenville, SC with family while Josh is 11 miles away at X-Fuge camp with 87 students and adult leaders.

Yes... I'm on vacation while he is on mission! :)

I think a lot about how our marriage dynamic has changed since having a baby. Two years ago, I would have been at the camp too. Serving out in the heat, sharing the gospel with children, watching our students grow in their faith, praying for and encouraging them as they shared stories of hurt, pain and struggle.

But as much as I loved that time of my life, I wouldn't trade places with my pre-baby self for anything.

I am still passionate about ministry and serving others, but it looks differently these days. The friend struggling through infertility, the stay-at-home mom whose husband just lost his job, the friend whose baby was born pre-mature, with a life-threatening illness, or who never made it into the world.

These are the situations that I find myself on my knees more often for these days. Because these stories hit close to home. Motherhood is my season.

Sometimes these days, I feel a disconnect from Josh when he comes home from camp or other trips where he spent a large amount of time with students. Aside from the caffeine high that he's usually reeling from, there's the excitement of students committing their lives to Christ for the first time and those that have been called into ministry! A lot of them have questions and there's a lot of texting/phone calls that take place after these trips. Before baby, I was right beside him. Sometimes even offering my own advice while he was talking on the phone.

Now, I'm changing a diaper for the third time in an hour. Or giving Micah a bath. Or feeding him. Or playing with him on the floor. Or rocking him to sleep.

I can see how this transition could cause some marriages to struggle. Especially when one is working and the other is staying home. You may feel like you live on two different planets.

I think one thing that has helped Josh and I, other than our dependence on Jesus, is talking about everything. We make sure that Micah is in bed by 7:30-8pm and we spend the rest of the night together. It's like date night every night! There are a couple days in the week when we can't always make this happen, but it has been a lifesaver for me to have this time with Josh.

It's when we get together to talk, laugh, and pray that I realize we aren't living on two different planets. God is using us both for specific purposes. He's taken our past and present seasons of life and just multiplied our area of ministry here on Earth.

This has given me a different outlook on those late night phone calls or texts from students. Instead of looking at them as distractions, I realize how blessed I am to be married to a man who is not only a great husband and father, but he's doing his best with the area of influence the Lord has given him.

And with the Lord's help, I'm doing the best with mine.

I feel drawn to this blog today. I haven't been consistent in writing... not because I don't want to, but because the time I have right now is limited.

And I've been battling the lie that just because I'm not as dedicated as other bloggers, or as systematic or scheduled, or whatever the word is... doesn't mean that my purpose here doesn't matter. I still feel called to write and encourage others through sharing parts of my story in this space.

So thanks for stopping by to read. Even though I'm probably not on your daily reading list. ;)

I've been struggling through a few things lately. Specifically, why I allow myself to continue in habits that are not good for my heart. For example, it's not good for me to spend too much time online. It's only natural after seeing back to back snapshots of beautiful homes, beautiful people and beautiful things... to begin comparing my own life. And this ends up breeding ugly things inside of me - like jealousy and pride. And before I know it, I've found a way to despise a close friend or family member, all over a few words and a photograph. Ugh.

Do you ever struggle with that?

I like the quote, "Don't compare your behind-the-scenes with someone else's highlight reel," because it's true. And focusing too much of our attention on the edited versions of others lives is no way to live.

I know that it was only a few months ago half a year ago (where HAS the time gone?!) that I was talking about making my online life mean something, and I still sincerely mean every word of that. I'm just learning when to pour in and when to scale back. And right now, limiting the time I spend online has been the best decision for myself and my family.

And this is just one example of how I am continually re-evaluating areas of my life.

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. - Matthew 5:30

I've always thought Matthew 5:30 was a pretty harsh verse. I mean, I knew it wasn't literal... but still, pretty extreme right?

That is, until I lived it out.

I've had to literally cut off things in my life that cause/encourage/provoke me to sin. Cold-turkey. It's been hard and painful - but a few days later, after suffering the initial withdrawal, I could feel the presence of God so rich and tangible in my life. It was obvious that whatever I removed was hindering me from intimacy with the Lord.

Friends, if you feel distant from God it's not because He doesn't long and desire to be close to you. Oh, how He does! More likely, the distance is created by some sin that has put a wedge in between you and Him.

O God, you take no pleasure in wickedness; you cannot tolerate the sins of the wicked. - Psalm 5:4

A popular verse in James says, "Come near to God, and he will come near to you..." But many times the second part of the verse is completely left out, "Wash your hands, you sinners. Purify your hearts, you double-minded." This is a bold, yet direct command on how to have an intimate relationship with God. We MUST wash our hands from sin. (James 4:8)

One thing - the book of James is written to believers. Don't be mistaken, Jesus' arms are WIDE OPEN to the dirtiest sinner, the foulest mouth, the biggest rebel. You can't clean yourself. Initially. Because you have no reason to.

After we have been forgiven and saved by the grace of God, then we commit our lives to this daily act of being in a right relationship with our Savior. We hunger for it! We want to feel His presence and know His heart. I don't have to explain this to those of you who know Christ - you get it.

So because of this overwhelming desire for intimacy with God - every day I must examine my life. Sin creeps up in places where it once never existed. And reappears in others that I thought I'd overcome. But no sin is worth the separation, isolation, fear and worry that comes in a wedged relationship with my Savior.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin. Hebrews 12:1-4

What is holding you back today from an intimate relationship with God?