One of the things that nobody tells you when you welcome your first baby, is that soon you will be sending him off to Kindergarten. It happens fast.

I remember bringing our first son, Micah, home from the hospital like it was yesterday. I remember lying in bed that night, amazed at the incredible miracle that just happened to us - we became parents! There was no looking back now. We were in this for life. For better or worse. Whatever came our way, we had someone else to think about and care for.  

The overwhelming responsibility that comes along with parenting hits every one a little differently, I'm sure. Depending on whether having a child was in the "plans" for you at the time. I can tell you just from my personal experience that, planned or not, children carry with them more weight than the seven or eight pounds they are born with. 

This weight was felt almost immediately for us. We were told only days after Micah's birth that he may need open heart surgery by the age of 6-8 weeks old. A decision that seemed completely out of our hands, still required us to do what we only knew best to do - pray. And by God's grace, that surgery wasn't needed. 

Our responsibility as parents doubled quickly, when we had our second baby only a year and a half later. Our daughter, Hannah, was born at sunrise, and with her came a whole new set of parenting skills required. It was like we knew nothing - even though we had already done this once and not too long ago. But the truth is, every child really is different. And as parents, we have the unique privilege of knowing those differences and teaching, correcting and nurturing our children in a way that will be best for them. 

Part of my goal in parenting over the last five years, has been learning about and getting to know my children. They are developing and changing everyday. Some days, I think I almost have them figured out and then other days, I'm sure I don't. 

This second-guessing has carried over into pretty much every important parenting decision I have to make. And most recently, the decisions I have to begin making about their education. Some days, when I'm feeling particularly creative and intentional, I'm certain that I will homeschool them. And other days, I wrestle with myself about this for hours on end, driving me to the point of complete exhaustion. And then, when I've finally collapsed into a puddle of worthlessness on the floor, I'm certain that they never need to stay home full-time with a lunatic like me.

Unless of course, homeschooling is exactly what they need. And then I will pour myself into making every ounce of their education my duty and goal. I will rise above the problems and challenges, because that's what God created me to do when He made me their mom. If the decision could just be made for me, I think to myself, then I would do it.

And in a way, when we moved to Jacksonville, it kinda was.

Josh and I both grew up with different educational backgrounds - he was homeschooled all the way through high school and I was a poster-child for public school and even had the safety patrol badge and "Top D.A.R.E. Student" T-shirt to prove it. Of course, the conversations on what we would do with our children's education was brought up long before we even had children of our own. He shared the benefits and challenges of homeschooling from his perspective, and I shared the benefits and challenges of public school from mine.

After so many conversations, still neither of us could conclude, for certain, which option would be best for our family. We did settle on the fact that we would prefer private school over public school. But we knew, ultimately, it was our job as parents to teach them the truth about God's Word and not the school.

So when we moved to Jacksonville, I began looking into schools in the area and researching options for us if we were to go the private school route. It blew my mind. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting because, truthfully, I don't have much experience with how much education costs. But I never imagined that the cost of schooling elementary students would rival that of college universities! I know, there is never a price tag you can put on your child's education, but STILL, $10,000 a year for schooling is just a little above our budget (and by a little, I mean A LOT).

So just like that, private school became out of the question for us. Unless, I got a full-time job. And while I do have a Bachelor's degree, my skill set and experience are mostly freelance and creative. The one "grown up" job I had right after I graduated college? Music and Art Teacher. 

And then, it clicked. 

Perhaps, God was preparing me for this the day I accepted that teaching job. Maybe there was a reason I came home from school every day as a child and taught my little sister everything I was learning. God had placed in me a desire to teach. But it was my own insecurities of failing, of being mocked, of choosing to school my children in a way that looked different than the majority of the world, that kept me doubting.

I still remember the day I called Josh and told him I was ready to accept the calling to homeschool. I had prayed about it, and felt a peace that this was the best decision for our family, I told him. 

Are you... sure? I heard him say over the phone. He must be remembering all those days I ended up as a puddle on the floor... and would call him, sobbing. 
"Of course, I'm sure." I told him confidently. " I truly feel called to do this." 

And that was how our decision to homeschool was made. Not flippant. Not without tears. Not with a disdain for any other method of schooling. Or disrespect for any parent that chooses to follow a different calling on their life. 

I can guarantee you that every parent I have talked to, no matter what decision they ultimately choose, has struggled through it. Because we do what we have to do for our children.

And for this season, this is what we feel we need to do for the benefit of our family. The beauty of this decision, is that it could look differently in another season! There are endless possibilities to what the future may hold, and I can never say for certain what tomorrow will bring (James 4:13). 

But I will say, there are definitely benefits of homeschooling that I am truly excited about! No strict schedules (although, I do plan to have some structure), Fridays can remain family days, we can travel any time of the year, I have the freedom to incorporate as much music and art as I like, shorter "class" time and more play time, NO HOMEWORK, and maybe the best benefit for my little mama heart right now... I don't have to send my baby off to Kindergarten. 

It was a joy to capture the sweet and talented, Alise, last week in honor of her upcoming senior year. I met Alise last year when we moved to Jacksonville and just adored her from the first moment we met. She is one of those gentle, free spirits that is firmly rooted and grounded in who they are. Alise is a worship leader in the student ministry at church and we led a women's night of worship last year together, which was incredible! This girl has a gift. I know the Lord has wonderful plans for her life and will use her greatly wherever she chooses to go! World, get ready to meet a great one. 

photo by Sarah Willis

Earlier this week, I read an article about Francis Chan's recent talk at a live Facebook event. He gave details on why he left his mega-church several years back and began the movement of planting house churches across the city he lives in. As I read it, I felt like everything he was saying were thoughts in my heart I have never quite been able to communicate out loud. I found myself mentally questioning what the current "typical" church looks like today and left wondering, What should the Church look like?

(If you haven't gotten a chance to read the article, go read it now or else the rest of this post probably won't make much sense)

I'm still not completely sure how Francis was invited to speak to the Facebook employees (although, I think it's pretty amazing!), but if you want to listen to his entire talk in detail, the whole thing is incredibly inspiring and I would definitely recommend it. It's up on Youtube.

Towards the end, he was asked a question about his current church model (We Are Church, more on that in a minute) and what they could learn from it. This is what led him to begin sharing his thoughts and struggles through his time in ministry as the lead pastor at a 5,000 member mega-church he once planted. His concerns came as he questioned whether his congregation was truly producing the type of family relationship that he believed Jesus called the Church to be representative of in Scripture. The type of church that is known for its "love for one another" (requiring more than a 30-second welcome on Sunday morning). The type of church that is a body of believers each "utilizing their spiritual gifts" (instead of just sitting and listening to him use his spiritual gift). And he admitted that it never sat well with him that it took millions of dollars to operate this model (drastically reducing the resources that were able to be going out into a needy and hurting world).

These are all things that my husband, Josh, and I have had long, hard conversations about; as we wrestled and fought with Scripture (and sometimes each other!) to determine what a biblical, church model should look like. These are the dark, behind-the-scenes of ministry, that no one seems to want (or are able) to talk about publicly. And then here comes Francis - unafraid of what man may think and genuinely concerned about standing before God one day and having to give an account for the way he spent his life. 

For Francis, that looked like a radical change in his ministry. He left his mega-church, and started a network of church planting called, "We Are Church" that is a house church model designed to grow no bigger than about 30 members. In this model, he sees the church diving into the word of God and studying it for themselves. Each church has two (unpaid) pastors, and each member is accountable for their family of believers and intimately involved in the spiritual health of their body. The goal of this, ultimately, is to send them out to be spiritual lights in a dark world and to continue the mission of spreading the gospel, making disciples and consequently, birthing new house churches. 

Sounds very "New Testament church" familiar, huh? 

The only concern I have with this model (house church) is that there are limits. 

***

A few years ago, we started a small group in our home with about 5 other couples. It was one of my favorite times of ministry and I enjoyed eating, praying and studying the Bible together with these friends that, truly, felt more like family. Then, as I began sharing about our group and what we were studying and learning, I started getting requests from others who wanted to join! After multiple times of having to turn people away and encourage them to "join another group" or "start their own," we felt compelled to begin meeting in a larger building and expand our small (turned large) group into smaller "sub-groups." Eventually that "small group" grew to about 80 people! But there was still a sense of large fellowship with those we had established relationships with, without losing a sense of the intimate community. Basically, we just grew as a church.

***

The example in that, is that if everyone in a house church is truly living out the mission of not just discipleship, but evangelism, then you won't be able to keep people away. And the need for a bigger building will eventually come.

Why not just start another house church? I guess would be the question. That would seem fine in theory - but if the key is building relationships, then wouldn't the people out sharing their faith need to leave their current house church once they led an unchurched person to Christ to continue discipling them in a new one? Or would they plug that person into a different house church with strangers and hope they find a relationship with someone else? 

I think it's possible for it to work. But it's also possible for there to be flaws. Hence, the "no church is perfect" conondrum we have been wrestling with for decades. 

Let me talk for a moment about another church model. One that I have become very familiar with over the last few years and believe has a biblical precedent as well. 

You may have heard of it - it's the multi-site church movement happening amongst mega-churches that outgrow their capacity. They are expanding their reach by planting new "campuses" in neighboring cities, in order to maximize their resources. The benefits of this church model is that instead of starting several new churches in the same area that share similar beliefs and ideology - you have one Church, united in purpose and mission to reach multiple communities.

But still, while this model is working to grow and reach more people numerically, the real spiritual growth happens in intimate relationships. 

The church we are currently a part of, Chets Creek, is an almost-twenty year old, multi-site, mega-church and is a great example of how something BIG can still grow small. Every Chets Creek campus is heavily-driven by Life Groups that meet every Sunday morning. In fact, one of the most surprising things to me when we first joined the church last year, was just how many people were in a Life Group! Chets also puts a great deal of financial investment and resources in missions and other church plants (around the city of Jacksonville, locally and nationally) which is highlighted and celebrated in a weekly "Missions Moment" during the service, so the congregation can see exactly where their tithes and offerings are going. The environment is not centered around a "one-man show," but is relied greatly upon other staff and volunteers that serve faithfully in areas they are gifted. Chets is also committed to launching multiple campuses that can replicate this model to better reach the neighboring communities. Josh and I are grateful to be a part of the North campus that just launched this past January. 

Why do I share all this? Because Francis Chan is on to something. Church, and more importantly Christianity, means nothing if it is not producing disciples who genuinely love God and love each other. It is not about pep talks, or spiritual highs, or motivational speaking. Sure, that can all take place - but not at the expense of neglecting life on life, bearing with one another, carrying each other's burdens type of relationships. Church is a family. And, like anyone who has one knows, family is messy. 

But healthy families also grow. And what is sustainable for one family (i.e. one child vs. eleven) may look different for another - house church to mega-church and everything in between. 

So to answer the title question... what should the Church look like? Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that out. And while there is no perfect analogy, I have settled on this:

It should look like the best Thanksgiving family dinner you've ever been a part of. Every person plays a role in the preparation and the participation. If someone is missing, everyone feels it. And when there are guests, they are welcomed with open arms and great big hugs. Whether it's a house church or a mega-church that you belong to - the most important thing, is that you have found a place where you can experience the love of Jesus and truly belong. 

I would love to hear your thoughts, as well... what do you think the Church should look like?